Still Waters Run Deep

And the Lord spoke to Noah: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet.  So I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.”  (And in a flash of lightning God delivered the specifications for an Ark.)  “Okay,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.  “Six months, and it starts to rain,” thundered the Lord.  “You’d better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.”  And sure enough, after six months the skies began to cloud up and the rain began to fall.  But the Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard, weeping. And, there was no Ark.  “’Noah,” shouted the Lord, “where is my Ark?” A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.  “Lord, please forgive me,” begged Noah. “I did my best, but there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn’t meet code. (So I had to hire an engineer to redraw them. Second, I got into a big fight with the fire inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a  sprinkler system. Third, my neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard (necessitating the acquiring of a temporary variance from the city planning commission).  Fourth, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl.  Fifth, I hired carpenters who soon formed a union and went out on strike (forcing me to negotiate a settlement with the labour board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer).  Sixth, when I started gathering up the animals I got sued by an animal rights group (they objected to me taking only two of each kind).  Seventh, when I got that suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.  Eighth, then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a flood plan.  (I sent them a globe).  Ninth, the IRS showed up and seized all of my assets, claiming I’m planning to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country.  And tenth, I have to appear before the Human Rights Commission for calling sin, sin (I’m being charged with a hate crime).  In light of all of this, I really don’t think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years,” Noah wailed.  Suddenly, the sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.  “’You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth?” Noah asked, hopefully. “’Wrong!” thundered the Lord.  “But being God has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the earth, but with something far worse than a flood. Something man invented himself.”  “What’s that?” asked Noah. There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke: “Government!”  This past week came news from secular geologists that, contrary to everything they have believed, there are huge amounts of water under the earth’s crust with best estimates of it totaling ten times the amount of all water on the earth.  This finding goes directly against the evolutionary teaching that the earth’s oceans came from above (via meteors striking the earth billions of years ago, forming crators, and then the resulting heat evaporating gases into water droplets) and it gives strong credibility to the creationist teaching that the earth’s oceans came from below (via the flood, and, in particular, the massive undercurrents being released).  The bottom line?  Still waters run deep.  And now we know that they run a lot deeper than anyone (but God) had previously thought.