Crop Circles

In 1978, Doug Bower was sitting in a pub in England with his drinking buddy, Dave Chorley, and they got to talking about UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects).  On the way home both thought – wouldn’t it be great to create a (flying-saucer/circle-like) indentation in a crop field to see what kind of reaction it would cause.  So they did.  But to their great disappointment, there wasn’t any response whatsoever.  Apparently, no one could see the crop circle except for workers in the field who didn’t seem to be overly impressed by it.  This went on for about  two years until the old hoaxers finally realized what they needed was a more publicly visible location; so they found one, a hill, with a sloping side where a crop circle could be seen by anyone.  And when the summer of 1981 came around, they struck.  This time, the reaction was immediate.  The very next day, an article appeared in the local newspaper speculating about aliens landing on the hillside field.  Reporters soon swarmed over the area and the story went worldwide.  This was the beginning of the crop circle phenomenon.  Over the next ten years, Doug and Dave continued to churn out the circles and soon a whole industry of experts began to develop around it.  People wrote books about the crop circles, delivered lectures about the crop circles, and pontificated in every form of media known to man about what they believed lay behind all the crop circles.  All of which was great amusement to Doug and Dave.  They collected all the crop circle reports and had many a good laugh about them over their pints of beer.  But they took greatest pleasure in discomfiting the so–called experts.  When one announced that miniature tornadoes were what lay behind it all, because the crop circles always had a clockwise orientation, they went out next week and made one in a counter clockwise direction.  They also started to branch out from the simple circular shapes to do more complex designs.  Another solemnly observed how strange it was that the crop circles only ever appeared on Saturday mornings.  This, of course, was due to the fact that Friday night was pub night for Doug and Dave and they’d go out and make their crop circles after knocking back a few beers. Still a third said they were caused by hedgehogs who aggressively circle when in mating season.   Eventually, their wives became suspicious of the number of miles the family cars were racking up, wondering whether their husbands might be having affairs.  Faced with these accusations, the men had to come clean and bring the ladies in on the secret.  The women took it in good humour and now, not having to hide it any more, the two men could make crop circles on any day of the week, not just pub night.  The phenomenon became huge.  Books about it became best-sellers.  Universities started offering a course in cereology (the study of crop circles).  Prophecy teachers all agreed that they were supernatural in origin, the only debate being whether they were demonic messages from hell or angelic codes from heaven.  And all had their Book of Revelation verses to show that all these crop circles were actually  prophesied 2,000  years ago. Even the queen became fascinated by the subject and visited some of the circles.  Finally, the government announced plans to appoint a commission  of inquiry to look into the whole thing, being concerned about national defence (i.e. aliens visiting in preparation for invading the country).  That was it for Doug and Dave.  They’d had their laugh, but enough was enough.  The two men didn’t want to a see a whole load of taxpayer’s money wasted, doling out millions to the so-called crop circle experts for a study that was gong to be nothing but nonsense.  So in 1991, after making more than 200 such crop circles, they contacted a television journalist to make their public confession.  To prove the authenticity of the two men’s story, the reporter set up a test.  The men would be filmed privately making a  crop circle, demonstrating how they did it, and then a leading cereologist (crop circle expert) would be called in to give their opinion.  So Doug and Dave took their simple tools of wood, rope, string, etc. and made one.  And sure enough, the next morning the cereologist proclaimed, with no uncertainty whatsoever, that the crop circle was not of human but paranormal origin.  That same night, the television station aired the story.  However, rather than crop circles disappearing, the number of new ones exploded (imitation being the sincerest form of flattery).  And not just in England, but across the globe.  And Doug and Dave?  Even today there are those who still maintain that their story is something made up by the M15 (British Intelligence) to conceal the fact that the English government is in secret contacts with alien beings and that the crop circles are rendevous points where the space ships land for such meetings.

The bottom line?  What can’t be questioned is what all crop circles have in common.  One, they are circular in shape (because circles are easier to make than squares).  Two, they are located close to roads (none are in the middle of nowhere).  Three, they are done in secret (at night when moonlight’s brightest for seeing).  Four, they are found with just certain crops (wheat and barley being the best).  Five, they occur only at certain times of the year (when the stalks are most pliable for bending).  And six, they are created on slopes (for maximum viewing exposure).  Thus you don’t need to be a cereologist to conclude that – if a circle suddenly pops up out in a farmer’s field, it’s a bunch of pranksters who put it there.