Pastor’s Page

Jun
26

Breatharianism

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Old Abram was a poor tailor in a little shop located next to an upscale French bistro.  Each day at noon Abe repeated the same routine - for lunch taking his brown paper bag containing (black bread, pickled herring) and going out the back door of his place of business, ... Continue

Jun
19

The Gentle “C”

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THE GENTLE “C” It is said that the term cesarean comes from the Roman emperor Julius Caesar because of the way he was born;  that when his mother died in the ninth month, they cut her open, took him out, and named him thus - for in the Roman tongue dissection ... Continue

Jun
12

Say Cheese? (or) Say Prunes?

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The story is told that Snow White was given a  camera as a birthday present.  She then quickly went through three rolls of film, taking pictures of the seven little dwarfs; after which she took the film cartridges to the local drug store where they were mailed ... Continue

Jun
5

Nose Pickers

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Someone has said, “A sharp nose indicates curiosity. A flattened nose indicates too much curiosity!” Well, the nose is in the news, or what’s inside the nose (i.e. boogers). Let me explain. There is a medical theory known as the hygiene hypothesis. It states that a child raised in an environment devoid ... Continue

May
29

Bombs Away!

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When Golda Meir was Prime Minister of Israel, the Jewish nation was about to face another major military conflict with the hostile surrounding Arab nations.  Outnumbered in population by a ratio of 1,000 to 1, President Richard Nixon called her and asked what the U.S. could ... Continue

May
22

The Rise and Fall of the Shopping Mall

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It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the large discounts (and some advertising) were the reason for the long line that formed in front of the business an hour before its opening.  A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be ... Continue

May
15

The Grand, Old Flag?

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A Dutchman was explaining to an American the red, white and blue colours on the Netherlands flag  “Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them.”  The Yankee nodded. “It's the ... Continue

May
8

Just Twenty-three Easters Left

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A farmer entered the church and saw that he and the minister were the only ones present for Sunday service.  The minister asked the farmer if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.  The farmer replied, “Well, I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle ... Continue

May
1

Coffee Pots and Coffee Pods

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A man went to the doctor for a check-up.  As part of the exam, the physician inquired as to his eating habits.  The fella said, “Well, for breakfast I have cereal, eggs, bacon, toast, bagel, jam, muffin, doughnuts and coffee.  For lunch, I have a few cheese burgers, large fries, ... Continue

Apr
24

Chicken Littles

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One day a first-grade teacher was reading the tale of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.  She read, “.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the ... Continue

Apr
18

The Donald and the Devil

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One man writes, While waiting for my wife at the checkout at Walmart, I noticed that someone had left behind a broom. When no one came back in looking for it, I nipped outside in search of a female I remembered seeing at the check-out ahead of me.  I spotted ... Continue

Apr
10

The Billy Graham Rule

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Someone has written – This is how to find your wife, even in the busiest of supermarkets.  Follow these four simple instructions.  The technique never fails. #1 – Have a look around at all of the shoppers, then walk up to the prettiest gal in the entire store. #2 – Say to ... Continue

Apr
3

Trajectory Theology

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The story is told of Jesus having a conversation with a group of theological elites of whom he simply asked, “Who do you say that I am?”  The theologians replied, “You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very ... Continue

Mar
27

Whatever Happened to Melody?

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There was a church where the preacher and the music director were not getting along. As time went by this began to spill over into the worship service.  The first week the preacher preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The music ... Continue

Mar
20

No Uncertain Trump-et

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Protecting the Unborn When Mary was pregnant, her five-year-old, Billy, was utterly amazed and a little bit disbelieving that his sister was growing in his mom's tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby ... Continue

Mar
13

Well, He’s No Genius!

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A teacher, after marking test papers, called a student up to her desk and said, “You copied your answers from the student sitting next to you, didn’t you.”  The pupil confessed, “Yes I did, but how did you know?”  She replied, “Because for one question the student wrote, ‘I don’t ... Continue

Mar
6

When I Was In School….

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In America, a pastor made it his practice to visit the church school one day a week.  On this particular week he chose the fourth-grade class.  As the minister walked in, the students were studying the states of the union.  The clergyman asked the children how many they could name ... Continue

Feb
27

We’ve Reached Our Limit

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A lady went to a doctor as to what she’d have to do to live to be 150 years of age.  The physician inquired of her lifestyle and she checked positive for all of the usual: lots of bodily exercise, lots of organic food, lots of meditative sleep, etc.  “So ... Continue

Feb
20

People Who Make You Sick

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Choose your partners, one and all, Aspirin, Advil or Tylenol! Now fling those covers with all you've got. One minute cold, the next minute hot. Circle right to the side of the bed, Grab the tissues and Sudafed. Back to the middle and don't goof off, Hold your stomach and cough, cough, cough. Forget about slippers, dash down ... Continue

Feb
13

Mrs. Trump, Dress Yourself!

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Struggling to make ends meet on a small county church  salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with a receipt of $250 for a dress she had bought. “How could you do this?!”  “I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then ... Continue

Feb
6

The “Built In” KJV Dictionary

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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of ... Continue

Jan
30

Sweet Time for Cows

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Two dairy cows were grazing alongside a highway when a tanker truck of fresh milk, that was on its way to the distributor, happened to pass by.  On one side of the truck in big red letters was a sign that read, “Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, Vitamin A added.”  One cow ... Continue

Jan
23

DON’t Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!

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A city man, who printed counterfeit money, was not the brightest fella and accidentally inked a large stack of twenty-one dollar bills.  Realizing he could not pass such bills with city dwellers, the counterfeiter came up with the idea of taking the money to the hills, where he’d pawn it ... Continue

Jan
16

The Hardest Job in the World!

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Two women were talking about their individual families.  The conversation went something like this: I have the perfect son. Does he smoke anything?  No.  Does he drink alcohol?  No?  Does he use foul language?  No.  Does he drive fast?  No.  Does he have sex?  No.  Does he break curfew?  No.  ... Continue

Jan
3

Curses on Cursive?

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When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher. The judge rose from the bench and smiling with delight responded. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.  Now sit down at that table and write ... Continue

Dec
27

The Dirt on Israel

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A father is asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” “Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, “That's a strange ambition to have for a career.” “Well," ... Continue

Dec
19

The World’s Oldest Alphabet

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A wife asked her husband to describe her.  He said, “You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”   She asked, “What does that mean?”  He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”  She said, “Oh that's so lovely. And what about I, J, K?”  ... Continue

Dec
12

Saviour or Savior?

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An American in England appeared on British radio. In the midst of the interview, the Yankee asked the Britisher if there was a Thanksgiving Day in Britain like that in the States. The Englishman replied that there was, but their holiday was in September, not November. When the American inquired ... Continue

Dec
5

Farther Confessor?

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John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper.  This went on each Friday of Lent.  On ... Continue

Nov
28

Suck It Up, Buttercup!

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Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.  One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”  “Two days ago.”  “Hmm.  Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over.  In May, he'll be an engineer.  What's your boy going to be ... Continue

Nov
21

A Jew for Jesus

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Marvin Rosenthal (Part Two) Unexpected Opposition As if that were not bad enough, my mother now began to invite friends and customers to attend a Bible study in our living room. Some ridiculed, some politely declined, but some had a hunger to know God. To her, the good news of the grace of ... Continue

Nov
14

A Jew for Jesus

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Marvin Rosenthal Marvin Rosenthal is an internationally-known Jewish evangelist who has had a world-wide prophetic ministry, reaching a multitude of people with the gospel, including a number of Jews. His books and magazine are always of the highest quality. And Rev. Rosenthal has made seventy-five visits to Israel, each time ... Continue

Nov
7

Back to the Dark Ages?

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A puny guy applies for a job as a lumberjack. “Sorry, says the huge head-lumberjack, eyeing the man up and down, "You're just too small.”  “Give me a chance to show you what I can do,” the little guy pleads. “You won't regret it.”  “Okay,” says the ... Continue

Oct
31

What Europe So Desperately Needs..

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Is What Europe So Defiantly Does Not Want A large family, with seven kids, moved to a new city. They were having a hard time finding an apartment in which to live. Many apartments were big enough, but the landlords objected to the large family. After several days of searching, the ... Continue

Oct
24

Toys “R (Aren’t)”Us

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Gender-Neutral Toys A man got on an airplane to fly from Boston to Florida. He was an educational psychologist on his way to speaking at a parent-teacher seminar in Miami. Sitting next to him was an elderly grandmother who had just spent two weeks visiting her: six children, eighteen grandchildren, ... Continue

Oct
17

The Conscientious-Objector Who Received the Highest Military Award, The Congressional Medal of Honour

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A private in the army was engaged in his first combat action and being overcome with fear, began slowly but surely to retreat from the front line. He eventually bumped into a military man standing behind him, who inquired in a booming voice, “Soldier, do you know ... Continue

Oct
10

Over a Billion Served

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One pastor writes, “After the morning worship service a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, ‘If you don't be quiet, pastor is going to lose his ... Continue

Oct
3

Israel, Bird-Watcher’s Paradise

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having a difficult time convincing her new baby that he, too, could fly.  The baby pigeon cried, “I can't make the flight...I get too tired.”  His mother said, “Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.”  ... Continue

Sep
26

The One Truth that Trumps It All

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Someone had well said, “Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.”  When Bill Clinton ran for the office of President of the United States in 1996, the word abortion was found just one time in ... Continue

Sep
19

Not According to Hoyle

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(No, not as in Edmund Hoyle  the famed rules authority on card games from whose last name comes the phrase “not according to Hoyle”.  But as in Sir Frederick Hoyle, the distinguished astronomer.  Here’s the story.) The following was seen on a restroom wall: “God is dead: Nietzsche.  To which, after ... Continue

Sep
12

A Letter to My Bread-Winner

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My dearest husband, The other day, around 3:00 p.m. on a random Wednesday, I was headed to the grocery store to get something to make for dinner. As you know, I’ve been slacking on the food front for some time and can’t seem to get organized the way I used to. ... Continue

Sep
9

“Wife Camp”

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The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright. But when she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out the wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride ... Continue

Aug
29

Bikinis Vs. Burkinis

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A Jewish lady's grandson is playing in the water, she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes ... Continue

Aug
22

What Child Is This?

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A little girl asked her mother, “Where did we come from”  The mom replied, “We came from God”  The child then went to her father and asked him the same question.  The dad replied, “We came from monkeys.”  The little girl went back to her mother and ... Continue

Aug
15

Holy Humour

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A Sermon With A Smile A teenage boy is getting ready to take his date to the prom.  First, he goes to get a tuxedo, but there’s a long line at the tailor (and it takes forever, but finally he gets the tux).  Second, he goes to get ... Continue

Aug
8

Hope for Homosexuals

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It’s Not All In The Genes A pregnant woman from Canada gets in a car accident and falls into a real deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she awakens she’s no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.  The physician replies, “Ma'am you ... Continue

Aug
1

Christmas in July?

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A young woman (of unknown hair colour) goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The young woman (of unknown hair colour) counts carefully on her fingers for a few seconds before replying ... Continue

Jul
25

Holy Cow?

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Two cows were grazing alongside a road when a milk tanker, on its way to the distributor, passed by.  On the side of the truck was a big sign that read, "Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, vitamins added."  One cow turned to the other and said, “Kind of makes ... Continue

Jul
18

Private Education

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Not What You May Think A letter from a college student to his father: Dear Dad, $chool I$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t ... Continue

Jul
11

Christians Need Not Apply

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An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?”  The engineer excused himself, and made a series ... Continue

Jul
4

Fighting for the King

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The Americans Who Became The Canadians You may not know this, but the original name for Canada, dreamed up by a parliamentary committee in London, England, was that of “Cold North Dominion”. However this was too long, so they abbreviated it to C.N.D.  The King's Royal Governor then presented the new ... Continue

Jun
27

Noah’s Ark

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Thinking Outside The Box A pastor was called to a local church and the people soon discovered that each and every sermon seemed to have something to do with baptism.  The congregation complained to the deacons who met with the minister and a solution was reached - the board would pick ... Continue

Jun
21

Love It or Leave It

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Australian Prime Minister Take it or leave it.  Immigrants, not Australians must adapt.  I am tired of this nation worrying about whether  we are offending some individual or their culture.  This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men ... Continue

Jun
13

O Canada – Political Correctness

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An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman and Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land. The leader of the captors said, “We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn.  But first, each can make a final wish.”  ... Continue

Jun
6

Dropping a Line

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Back To The Future Last year, after having dug to a depth of 10 feet outside of New York City, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than one ... Continue

May
30

Refund the Refund?

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Someone has well said, “If America’s Founding Fathers thought that taxation without representation was bad, they should see how bad it is with representation!” Every year I have the same experience when my taxes are done - at the end I burst out laughing.  That’s because I ... Continue

May
24

Signing Aloud

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A deaf couple check into a motel and go to bed early.  The wife wakes her husband in the middle of the night complaining of a headache.  She asks him to go to the car to get some aspirin.  Groggy with sleep, he struggles to get up, ... Continue

May
16

Rome;s Real Revenue

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A man was strolling down the sidewalk and suddenly had a heart attack, falling to the ground.  A fella came up to him and asked what was wrong.  The man said, “I’m dying and I need a priest to give me the last rites.”  The fella wasn’t ... Continue

May
9

The Next “Survivor” Series

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Survivor - The show maroons a group of strangers in an isolated locale.  There they must provide for themselves and compete in challenges to earn rewards or immunity from game expulsion in successive elimination votes. The final survivors face a jury composed of the last players ... Continue

May
2

The Traditional Funeral Is on its Death-Bed

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There was a recent story in the newspaper that the man who invented throat lozenges, who died.  And the article ended with this line, “Of course, there was no coffin!” The “no coffin” line is not a laughing matter for funeral homes, as more and more individuals are bypassing the traditional ... Continue

Apr
25

Before Welch’s

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Note - Last Sunday I preached the fifth of twelve messages on What’s The Word On Wine, (The Bible And Social Drinking).  The sermon was, New Wine (juice), Old Wine (alcohol), Bad Wine (vinegar).  In the message, I talked about how people in biblical times, contrary to ... Continue

Apr
18

Mary’s Money

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One day a pastor stood up in church and announced to his congregation, “I have good news and I have bad news.  The good news is, we have enough money to pay for the new building program.  The bad news is, it’s still all out there in ... Continue

Apr
11

Get Your Crayons Out?

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A little four-year-old girl was hard at work drawing with a crayon.  Her mother inquired, “Sally, what are you doing that requires such concentration?” She replied, “I am drawing a picture of God.”  Mom smiled and said gently, “Sally, no one knows what God looks like.” to ... Continue

Mar
28

Saving Money & Saving Families

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Chick-Fil-A & Cell Phones Bill wants to get his wife, Sharon, something nice for their first wedding anniversary and so he decides to buy her a cell phone.  Sharon is excited about  receiving such a present and Bill shows her how to use it.  The next day, Sharon ... Continue

Mar
21

When Politics Worked – Reagan and O’Neill

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A busload of politicians were being driven in the country when all of a sudden the vehicle ran off the road and crashed into a barn.  The farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried every one of the ... Continue

Mar
14

The Donut Girls

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There was a senior citizen who lived in a small town all by herself.  In the early evening she had retired to bed when all of a sudden sounds started coming from downstairs, someone had broken into her home.  The elderly lady grabbed the phone, got under ... Continue

Mar
7

Sunday Best?

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A Baptist church tried to get a man to attend its services, but he never would show up. "Why don't you come?" the preacher asked, and the man finally admitted it was because he didn't have the proper clothes to wear.  So a member of the congregation ... Continue

Feb
29

A Womb with a View

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A WOMB WITH A VIEW A man and his wife were making the initial doctor visit prior to the birth of what would be their first child. After everything checked out, they wondered when to  return.  The physician took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with ... Continue

Feb
22

Titanic II

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A magician was working on a cruise ship.  Since the audience was different each week,  he did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem - the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every ... Continue

Feb
16

Not Feeling Super

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Auburn University football coach, Shug Jordan, asked his former star linebacker, Mike Kollin, who was then playing for the Miami Dolphins, if he would help him do some recruiting.  The conversation went like this: “Sure coach, what kind of player are you looking for?” ... “Well Mike, you ... Continue

Feb
8

Bye, Bye Barbie

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A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t yet bought her a gift. So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, “How much is that Barbie ... Continue

Feb
1

A Second Hobby

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A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, attic box. He happened to also mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had been printed on it.  “Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.  “Yes, that ... Continue

Jan
25

A Whole Lotto Love

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Mike was recovering from a severe heart attack, and the doctor said there should be no excitement of any kind in his life for a couple months. He repeated, “None whatsoever!”  So when his wife found out they had won the lottery, worth four million dollars, she ... Continue

Jan
19

Journey to the Center of the Earth

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In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a ... Continue

Jan
12

Digging Up the Past

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An archaeologist was digging in the desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy.  After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum.  “I’ve just discovered the 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited ... Continue

Jan
4

Unicorns, Fact or Fiction?

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The lyrics are from, The Unicorn, a song made famous by The Irish Rovers, a Canadian folk group was recorded and released in 1968, selling 8 million records and reaching #2 on the Top 100 list.  The author, Shil Silverstein, also wrote A Boy Named Sue. Now one ... Continue

Dec
28

Before You Wish for an “Old-fashion” Christmas

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A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede and they gather around Robin, the guide, who explains, “This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.”  A fellow at the front of the group asks, “When did that happen?” “1215,” answers ... Continue

Dec
21

Dueling Genealogies?

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A baby polar bear goes up to his father and asks, “Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The father replies, “Sure you are, son.  I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.”  ... Continue

Dec
14

Deck the Halls – Fa La La La La La La La La??

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Two little siblings were singing their favorite carol in church the Sunday before Christmas. The brother concluded “Silent Night” with the words, “sleep in heavenly beans.”  His sister immediately elbowed him and said, “No, no beans, peas!”  This Christmas season we’ll sing about forty carols, but ... Continue

Dec
7

The Smartest Women in Church

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With the help of a fertility specialist, a sixty-five-year-old woman has a baby.  Of course, all her relatives come to meet the newest member of their family.  However, when they ask to see the newborn, the senior mother says, “Not yet.”  A little while later they make ... Continue

Nov
30

The CR-ISIS in France

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During the Second World War a company of American soldiers was marching through France when a little old lady approached them with a broom over her shoulder. She joined the troops and began to march with them.  The soldiers smiled at the lady and told her to ... Continue

Nov
23

The War on Delicious

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Two people were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant waiting to place their order.  Above the menu on the wall was a sign that read, “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”  The one person said to the other, “Believe me, if I had a ... Continue

Nov
16

Sacred Cows?

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Two cows were grazing by a highway when a tank-truck of milk, on its way to the distributor, happened to pass by. On one side of the vehicle in big red letters was a sign that read, “Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, Vitamin A added.”  One cow turned ... Continue

Nov
9

S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

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A man had been driving all night to see his girlfriend at a university across the country and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour ... Continue

Nov
2

The Multi and the Fuhrer

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A wealthy Arab sheik required a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors wanted to store some blood in case the need arose for a transfusion.  However, the Arab had a rare blood type that couldn't be found locally, so the call went out to ... Continue

Oct
26

Take a Bow, Capitalism

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A fortune-teller studied the hand of a young man and told him, “You will be quite poor and very unhappy until you are 37 years old.” The youth said, “Then will I become rich and happy?” The palm reader replied, “No, you will still be poor, but ... Continue

Oct
19

Trash Talk

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Recycling, What A Waste? A man tells about trying to throw a trash can away, the one thing it seems a garbage man won’t pick up. “One morning I set an old rusty trash can out at the street thinking that the garbage man would understand it needed to be thrown ... Continue

Oct
12

No More Fifteen Minutes of Fame

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It was in the1960s that avant garde  artist, Andy Warhol, famously predicted that with the beginning of the rise of the telecommunication age - “everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame”.  And although most people will never experience being celebrities in their lifetime, nevertheless more ... Continue

Oct
5

Meet the Women Who Are Taking the Fight to ISIS

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There were three fellas talking in Tim Hortons - two about the amount of control they had over their wives, while the other remained silent.  After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and said, “Well, what about you, what sort of control ... Continue

Sep
28

Europe Rediscovers Its Borders

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In 1995 the European Union signed what is known as The Schengen Agreement (named after the small town in Luxembourg where the 28 Euro nation members  agreed on a border-free zone between their countries).  The result?  Frontiers which had been bloodily fought over for centuries (and ... Continue

Sep
21

Luther to Enter Rome Again

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A newspaper man entered a civic center where he noted there was a convention of Catholic brothers going on.  The reporter was not a particularly religious man, but he had always wondered what these fellas actually did.  So, going up to a man in a robe, he ... Continue

Sep
14

What Would Jeremiah Do?

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The traffic light just in front of him turned yellow so the driver did the right thing and stopped his vehicle, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.  The tailgating woman behind him was furious - she honked her horn ... Continue

Sep
8

Does the Queen of Queens Know the King of Kings?

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A bachelor went through the same thing every time he went to a family wedding.  His elderly aunts would come up to him after the ceremony, point their fingers at him and say “You’re next!  You’re next!”  Finally the bachelor had enough.  At the next family funeral ... Continue

Aug
31

Shoot the King

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A salesman was driving in the country when he noticed a young boy standing by the side of a barn.  On the wall were six circled targets with an arrow in each bulls-eye.  Amazed, the fella stopped his car, walked across the field, and asked the  kid ... Continue

Aug
23

King James Versions??

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KING JAMES VERSIONS? It was Sunday morning in church and for the first time, a little first-grade girl got to sit in the adult service with her  parents.  And when the mom opened the Bible and set it on her lap, the daughter noticed the page.  She whispered ... Continue

Aug
16

Women’s Parking Spaces

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WOMEN’S PARKING SPACES An elderly woman stopped to pull her car into a parking space when a young man in his brand new Mercedes went around her and pulled into the spot.  This so upset the senior that she went up to the fella and said, “Hey, I ... Continue

Aug
9

The A’s, the B’s and the C’s

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It was high school reunion time and 25 years after they had all received their diploma, there was talk of only one graduate.  His name was Harvey, the math-challenged country boy who had accumulated more wealth than the rest of his former classmates combined.  When Harvey arrived ... Continue

Jul
26

The Biggest Discovery in New Images of Pluto is What Scientists Didn’t See

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Someone has written, “Copernicus’ parents might just deserve some of the credit for his great discovery. Apparently at the age of twelve they said to him: ‘Young man, when are you going to realize that the world does not revolve around you!’” For evolutionary scientists, their origin-of-the-universe ... Continue

Jul
19

A Taxing Situation

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The local tavern was so sure that its bouncer was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bouncer would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand it to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more ... Continue

Jul
12

Bruce and the Bible

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A little boy and a little girl had just been introduced.  Soon they were trying to decide on which game to play.  The boy said, “I have an idea, how about baseball?”  The girl replied, “Oh no, I wouldn't want to do that, baseball is a boy's ... Continue

Jul
5

When Everything was Black & White

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Pastor's Page - Part 2 It has been said of Hollywood, “They don’t put their garbage out, the put it on television.” and watching today’s shows it would be hard to disagree.  All this made me think of the following poem: You could hardly see for the snow, spread ... Continue

Jul
5

The Billy Graham Rule

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Someone has written - This is how to find your wife, even in the busiest of supermarkets.  Follow these four simple instructions, for the technique never fails. #1 - Have a look around at all of the shoppers, then walk up to the prettiest gal in the entire store. #2 ... Continue

Jun
28

What All Mass Shooters Have in Common – and It’s Not Just Guns

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A man visited a mental asylum and asked the director as to what the criteria was in deciding if a person needed to be institutionalized.  The psychiatrist  replied that they fill a bathtub with water and then asked the individual to empty it, giving them three choices ... Continue

Jun
21

No Fairy-Tale

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Bedtime Stories Benefit A little girl said the following as to what she thought was the difference between love and true love - “Love is when Daddy reads me a bedtime story.  True love is when he doesn’t skip any of the pages!” In the early years of a ... Continue

Jun
14

Are Twins Taking Over?

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Johnny, a very bright five-year-old, told his daddy he'd like to have a baby brother and offered to do whatever he could to help.  His father, a very bright thirty-five-year-old, paused for a moment and then replied, “I'll tell you what, Johnny, if you pray every day ... Continue

Jun
7

Is Anyone Out There?

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At the space agency, three women (a brunette, a redhead, and a woman of unidentified hair colour) where trying to figure out where to go on the next extraterrestrial expedition.  The brunette said, “We should go to Mars.”  The redhead said, “No, we should go to Venus”.  ... Continue

May
31

Don’t Have a Cow!

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An old cowboy sidled into a tavern and ordered a glass of milk with a shot of whiskey.  The saloon keeper fixed the drink and put it on the bar.  Then, a young circuit-riding preacher entered.  It was a hot day and with a long ride ahead, ... Continue

May
24

Coincidence or Prophetic?

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A rabbi was at continual odds with his congregation.  Finally, the president of the synagogue said, “Rabbi, we must have a conference to settle this dispute once and for all.”  So the rabbi, the president, and the ten elders gathered together to discuss the issue, of which ... Continue

May
17

Victoria’s Victory! and Victoria’s Secret!

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Two boys were walking down the sidewalk and saw an old woman reading the Bible.   One said to the other, “Oh, that’s my grandma.  She’s cramming for her finals.”  In the late 1800s, Queen Victoria of England attended worship at the famous St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. ... Continue

May
10

The “Green” Thing

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An anonymous woman writes, Checking out at the supermarket recently, the young cashier suggested that I should bring my own bags because plastic ones weren’t good for the environment. I apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my early days.”  The clerk responded, ... Continue

May
3

Plain Old Vanilla?

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PLAIN OLD VANILLA? A man approached an ice cream van and requested, “I'd like two scoops of chocolate, please.”  The girl behind the counter replied, “I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come in this morning and as a result we are all out of chocolate.”  “In ... Continue

Apr
26

A Dickens of a Tale

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A lady writes, “My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table.  There was no response, so ... Continue

Apr
19

Blowing Smoke

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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday morning sermon.  So at the beginning of the message he placed four worms in four jars: the first containing alcoholic wine, the second cigarette smoke, the third chocolate syrup, and the fourth good soil.  ... Continue

Apr
12

Germany’s Greater Grief

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2 of 721 to me GERMANY’S GREATER GRIEF A fella walked into an eatery looking for a buddy with whom he was going to have some lunch.  As he passed by a table where two pretty young ladies were sitting, he noticed they were checking him out and heard ... Continue

Apr
5

The Boy Who Didn’t Come Back from Heaven

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A young man was playing baseball when he got hit in the head with the ball and dropped to the ground.  He lay there unconscious.  They tried to revive him and thought he was dead.  Being a small town (and having only one mortician who was away ... Continue

Mar
29

Breast Is Best

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A proud Jewish mother was pushing her two young children down the sidewalk in a double stroller.  Along the way she met a friend who commented on how the woman’s kids were really growing.  The lady then asked how old they were and the mom replied, “The ... Continue

Mar
22

Thinking Inside the Box

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Someone has well said - “It  happens, even in the best of families, a baby is conceived (but this should not be a cause of alarm). The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.”  However, with the rise of the new ... Continue

Mar
15

Fighting the Good Fight

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In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy enters a room and demands that Linus, who is her brother, change the channel on the television set.  Linus refuses, telling his sister, “What makes you think you can just come waltzing in here and take over?  Lucy replies, “See these five ... Continue

Mar
8

How About Them Apples

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Someone has well said, “Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t the apple on the tree that got us kicked out of  the Garden of Eden, it was the pair on the ground.” When Adam and Eve got booted out of  paradise, it not only changed them for the ... Continue

Mar
1

New and Improved

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A boy entered a grocery store and asked the grocer for some Tide. The merchant was puzzled and asked the kid why he wanted a box of detergent. The child replied he was going to wash his cat. The man said, “Young man, you shouldn’t wash a ... Continue

Feb
22

Love is Anything But Grey

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A young man goes into a drug store to buy three boxes of chocolate. The pharmacist asks, “What size do you want - small medium or large?”  The youth replies, “Well, here’s how it is.  I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really pretty.  ... Continue

Feb
15

O Come, All Ye Faithful Taxpayers

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One Sunday morning in church an usher dropped the collection plate and the offering flew everywhere - coins rolling on the floor and bills floating through the air. The congregation couldn’t help but laugh, so the usher felt he needed to give an explanation: “I couldn’t help ... Continue

Feb
8

No Yolking!

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Yes, Scientists Have Cracked The Mystery Of How To Unboil An Egg Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. couldn’t put Humpty back together again. That is, until now!  It is something that scientists have been working on ... Continue

Feb
1

Holy Irony

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World’s Largest Bible Publisher A Japanese tourist in New York City was taking an American-made taxi cab from the downtown out to the airport.  On the way, a car zoomed by the taxi and the Japanese tourist said, “Ah, Toyota, made in Japan, very fast.”  The cabbie said ... Continue

Jan
25

Are Pictures of Jesus Wrong?

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he Charlie Hebdo Massacre A kindergarten teacher was observing her class of children while they drew pictures. Occasionally, she would walk around the room to see each child's work. “What are you drawing?” she asked one little girl who was laboring diligently at her desk.  The child ... Continue

Jan
18

Calculating Cancer – What’s Luck Got to do with It?

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's. After his checkup, the physician called the wife into the office alone and told her - “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.  If you don't do the following, he will surely die ... Continue

Jan
11

Why the Crackdown on Churches in China?

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Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”  “I don't know,” Sid replied. “Why don't we ask the waiter?”  When the oriental waiter came by, Al inquired of him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”  “I don't know ... Continue

Jan
4

Vertical Farming

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A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.  The case was scheduled to ... Continue

Dec
28

The Day Santa was Naughty and Not Nice

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Someone has said that there are four stages to a man’s life: one (you believe in Santa Claus), two (you don’t believe in Santa Claus), three (you are Santa Claus), and four (you look like Santa Claus). Let me tell you about the man we call Santa Claus.  ... Continue

Dec
21

A Diamond Not in the Rough

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A woman entered a jewelry store and immediately voiced her complaint.  “Yesterday, you sold my husband a diamond ring, but it’s the wrong size.”  “No problem, madam,” replied the jeweler, “We can easily adjust the finger size.”  “You don’t understand,” said the wife, “You sold him a ... Continue

Dec
14

Going Against the Grain

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An old Jewish man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal.  The old man replies, “Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread.”  So the next ... Continue

Dec
7

Potluck Pandemonium

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Tragedy struck the Baptist church on Sunday when every covered dish at the church’s annual Christmas potluck was a green bean casserole.  Stunned onlookers watched in horror as family after family arrived with the same popular dish in tow.  By the time grace was said there were ... Continue

Nov
30

Is the Pope Catholic?

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On the first Friday of Lent, Fred was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.  On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got ... Continue

Nov
23

Nothing to Sneeze At

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Once when Red Skelton was being interviewed, he was asked if there was ever a time when he was at a loss for words.  The great comedian hesitated for a moment and then said, “Yes, I dreamed one night that I died and went to heaven and ... Continue

Nov
16

The Man with Forty Wives

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THE MAN WITH FORTY WIVES A Mormon once pushed the American humourist, Mark Twain, into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After a long and tedious exposition justifying the practice, the cultist then demanded that Twain cite any biblical passage expressly forbidding polygamy.  “Easy,” Twain replied, ... Continue

Nov
9

King James for Kids

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A parishioner went to her pastor complaining about Bible reading.  She said all was fine until she came up to the part that contained the genealogy list.  Her question was, ”Would it be alright to just skip those chapters?”  The minister replied, “I wouldn’t, for there is ... Continue

Nov
2

Flagging this Movement

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On little Johnny’s first day of school, the class was to put their right hands over their hearts and recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the grand old flag.  The teacher watched the children closely as she started in, “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the ... Continue

Oct
26

Running Towards the Plague

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Before I heard the doctors tell the dangers of a kiss, I had considered kissing you the nearest thing to bliss. But now I know biology and sit and sigh and moan; Six million mad bacteria, and I thot we were alone. Well, as we’re learning with Ebola, we are not alone on ... Continue

Oct
12

Thanks-Living

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An American was being interviewed by an Englishman on BBC radio.  It was in the autumn of the year and the Yank asked the Brit if the English had a Thanksgiving Day like as the Americans.  The interviewer replied that they did, however, theirs was not in ... Continue

Oct
5

Paying the Tab

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PAYING THE TAB A $20 bill and a $1 bill were telling one another about their travels.  The $20 bill said he had just been on a whirlwind trip to - gambling casinos, fancy restaurants, sporting events, etc.; buying the beer and wine,  it was all quite exhilarating.  ... Continue

Sep
28

And God Created Caffeine

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AND GOD CREATED CAFFEINE Mama Bear tossed and turned, but could not fall asleep.  When her restlessness kept awaking Papa Bear, he finally cried out in exasperation; “How many times do I have to tell you, no coffee after September!”  Well today, it’s not bears and caffeine, ... Continue

Sep
21

Steve Jobs, A Low-tech Parent

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Bill Gates is walking along the ocean shore when he discovers a bottle in the sand.  He pulls out the cork and a genie appears. The genie says, “I have been trapped inside this container for over one-hundred years.  As a reward for releasing me, you can ... Continue

Sep
7

Jostling Jihadists

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A Jewish man was riding on the subway, reading an Arab newspaper.  A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon.  Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.  “Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading ... Continue

Aug
31

Cookie Monsters

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Children lined up in the cafeteria of a religious school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The teacher made a note: “Take only one, God is watching.” At the other end of the table was a large heap of ... Continue

Aug
24

Who’s Laughing Now?

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When the 1960s ended, San Francisco’s famed hippie district, Haight-Ashbury, reverted to a high rent area; so many of the flower-children generation moved down the coast to Santa Cruz. There they got married and had children (though not always in that particular order).  However, these parents ... Continue

Aug
17

Crop Circles

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In 1978, Doug Bower was sitting in a pub in England with his drinking buddy, Dave Chorley, and they got to talking about UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects).  On the way home both thought - wouldn’t it be great to create a (flying-saucer/circle-like) indentation in a crop field ... Continue

Aug
10

Look Who’s On the Jew’s Side

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A rabbi put an advertisement in the classified section of the Sunday newspaper offering his services. The next day a Jewish grandmother called asking about his hours and the rabbi replied “24/6...”  Well, today is the day of rest for the believer and so I hesitate to ... Continue

Aug
3

Fat Heads

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A man went to the doctor for his annual check-up.  After doing the usual battery of tests, the physician asked him about his daily diet.  The fella responded as follows: “For breakfast I usually have things like eggs, bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, toast, butter, and some coffee.  ... Continue

Jul
27

Our Shrinking Sun

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A Russian, an American, and a woman of undetermined hair colour were talking. The Russian said, “We were first in space!”  The American said, “We were first on the moon!”  The woman said, “So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!”  The Russian and ... Continue

Jul
20

The Bad News for the Good News

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After the baptism of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the family car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “The minister said he wanted all of us brought up ... Continue

Jul
13

Economics 101

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The story is told of three guys out fishing on a lake when all of sudden Jesus appeared, - first walking on the water and then joining them in the boat. After the three astonished men had finally settled down long enough to speak, the first fella ... Continue

Jul
6

No Kidding

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A family took their eight-year-old son to a fancy restaurant for his birthday.  When it came time to order, the boy said he wanted a grilled-cheese sandwich.  The waitress replied that grilled-cheese was not on the menu.  The boy said, “You have bread, don’t you?  You have ... Continue

Jun
29

Still Waters Run Deep

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And the Lord spoke to Noah: “In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing ... Continue

Jun
22

Laughing Your Way Thru Labour?

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A couple go to their first pre-natal class. The husband is told to wear a bag of sand so that he has an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The man stands up and says, “This doesn’t feel so bad.” The instructor then drops ... Continue

Jun
15

Joel “Ecumenical” Osteen

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John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of the Lenten season, John was outside barbequing a big juicy sirloin steak on his grill.  Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on ... Continue

Jun
8

Raising the Bar

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A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.  At the first lawyer's office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, “Okay, let's get down to business. I have an important ... Continue

Jun
1

Gendercide

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During his sermon, a pastor noticed one of the young wives in the congregation, who was quite pregnant, continually rubbing her side.  After the service, he asked her at the door, “Are you okay?  I noticed during my message that you were holding onto your side.”  “Oh, ... Continue

May
25

The End of the Ice Age?

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A surgeon was relaxing at home one Saturday morning when his wife gave him a list of things to be done at the house.  As he was going over the items, the phone rang. He answered and heard the familiar voice of a colleague, “We need a ... Continue

May
18

Israel’s Demographic Time Bomb

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One lady writes, “To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test.  Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up.  I didn’t think how it appeared to the clerk when I waddled up, nine months pregnant, to pay ... Continue

May
11

He’s No Saint

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Two brothers were well-known criminals in the city where they lived.  There seemed to be no crime in which the siblings were not involved, whether it was gambling, prostitution, murder, etc. - you name it, they were connected to it.  As time would have it, the older ... Continue

Apr
27

Bad Moon Rising

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Two fellas, after having had apple cider that had been allowed to sit a little too long, were walking back home. One said, “What a beautiful night. Just look at that moon.” The other countered, “That’s not the moon. That’s the sun.” So began a spirited (pardon the pun) ... Continue

Apr
20

How to Date Jesus’ Wife

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“Scientists Say Jesus Had A Wife” - this is the headline gone around the world.  And where did it come from?  (In 2012, Harvard Divinity School’s Karen King, unveiled a papyrus fragment she called, The Gospel Of Jesus’ Wife.  The 1" by 3" piece of parchment contains ... Continue

Apr
13

Firestorm at Firefox

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“I believe in same-sex marriage, the same sex with the same woman.” Brendan Eich is one of the pioneers of the internet system, having invented both Java Script for Netscape and Firefox for Mozilla. Thus it seemed only natural that when Mozilla needed a new CEO, Brendan was their ... Continue

Apr
6

The “Fools” of April Fool’s Day

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n the southern United States, an atheist brought a case  against the Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring the discrimination suit regarding  Christians, Jews, and their observances of these two religious holidays. The legal complaint?  It was unfair that atheists had ... Continue

Mar
30

The Arab Springtime is a Real Nightmare for Syria’s Christians

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We often hear that, if it weren’t for the Jews in Israel, all of the Middle East’s lions would lay down peaceably  with all of the Middle East’s lambs.  However, the terrible fate of a Christian community in Syria is a fresh reminder of just how untrue ... Continue

Mar
23

The Most Popular & Fastest Growing Bible Translation is Not What You Think

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The story is told of a woman, who, wanting to impress the pastor in her home for a visit, said to her little girl, “Honey, go get the book that Mommy loves to read so much.”  The daughter soon returned with the new Sears catalogue.  The mother ... Continue

Mar
16

Women and Children First?

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On A Sinking Ship - It’s Every Man For Himself Back in the days of the steam ship, only rich white folk could afford to cruise the high seas.  On one such trip, their boat struck a rock and began to sink resulting in all of the passengers fearing ... Continue

Mar
9

Sexual Abuse – It’s not just the Catholics

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“Any Form Of Sexual Contact Without Both Being Legally Able To And Voluntarily Consenting To.” This past week, three conservative ministries are in the news, and all for the wrong reason. Each one (a big fundamental university, a top Bible college, and a well-known curriculum provider) is dealing with ... Continue

Mar
2

A Baptist Leads Ukraine

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He’ll Need The Wisdom Of Solomon Former United States President, Ronald Reagan, tells the following story from his first meeting with then Soviet Union Premier, Mikhail Gorbachev: I said, “Mr. Premier, in America, anyone can, without fear of harm, come into the White House, pound on the desk, and ... Continue

Feb
23

Getting Over the Hump

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Do Camels Disprove The Bible? A team of small animals and a team of large animals decided to play football one against the other.  During the first half of the game, the large animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that ... Continue

Feb
16

GAS Wars – Russia vs. Israel

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Two natural gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out ... Continue

Feb
9

The Search for Perfect Pastor

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Adam - A good man but wife problems.  And rumors that the two of them enjoy walking unclad in the woods. Noah - He has 120 years preaching experience, but not one convert.  Also he’s prone to unrealistic building projects.  And his kids have seen him drunk and naked. Methuselah ... Continue

Feb
2

Thinking Outside the Box

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Israeli Invents Cardboard Bicycle 1816 is known  historically as, “The Year Without A Summer.”  In Indonesia, the largest volcanic eruptions ever recorded occurred, with atmospheric ashes spreading over the Northern Hemispheres of Europe and America.  This resulted in the blockage of the sun’s rays and caused a ... Continue

Jan
26

Haprer and Israel – Best Friends Forever

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An Arab required a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type just in case the need arose.  Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number ... Continue

Jan
20

God’s Pharmacy

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A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. “Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,” the doctor of medicine says. “Don't worry," replies the senior. "It takes me four hours each time to get the ... Continue

Jan
13

Not So Fast

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A young fella saw an elderly couple sitting down to eat lunch at a fast food place. He particularly noticed that they had ordered just one meal. As the youth watched, the man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him ... Continue

Jan
9

Putting Global Warming on Ice

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One lady writes, My husband and I purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation.  But my husband confidently declared, “If they could live here all those years, ... Continue

Dec
29

Under the Mistletoe

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One man writes: It was slightly after Thanksgiving and the visit had gone well.  I was now ready to go back home. The airport had turned a tacky red and green with loudspeakers blaring annoying elevator renditions of carols. As someone who takes Christmas  seriously and, being  ... Continue

Dec
16

Give Me Oil in My Lamp

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Here’s my solution for global warming - we can all lower the temperature just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius! For the past twenty-five years, when it came to the energy question, the answer was almost universal -  fossil fuels (oil/gas) are the capitalistic villains who will doom ... Continue

Dec
8

‘Tis the Season for Sneezing

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“If you go to a doctor to treat your cold, it will go away in fourteen days; but, if you stay at  home and treat it yourself, it will go away in two weeks.” Well, when it comes to the cold-and-flu season, winter has nothing to do with it and ... Continue

Dec
1

Income Inequality

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One fella writes, “I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise if he wanted me to stay.  He asked what three companies and so I told him - the gas, electric, and cable company.” Well, there is no question that workers today ... Continue

Nov
24

Coffee-Ology

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A husband and wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.  The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, “No, you are ... Continue

Nov
17

Big MOUTHS

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“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” the man said to the dental receptionist.  “I'm sorry sir.” she replied. “He's out right now, but...” “Thank you.” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “Can you tell me when will he be out again?”Today, we are ... Continue

Nov
10

Hallmark – Wrecking the Halls

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The calendar just flipped to November and already Hallmark is having a difficult holiday season. This month Hallmark introduced a new 2013 Christmas ornament shaped like a tacky holiday sweater with a festive message: “Don we now our fun apparel!”  instead of “Don we now our gay apparel!”  ... Continue

Nov
3

The Gospel of Ghoul

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A lady writes  - One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as Rocky, with satin shorts, high-top sneakers, boxing gloves, etc.  I gave him some goodies and soon afterwards he returned for more. I asked, “Aren't you the same Rocky who left my doorstep several ... Continue

Oct
27

Flood of Criticism – Coming Noah Movie

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The Lord spoke to Noah, “Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on ... Continue

Oct
20

MOOD SWING – Moody Bible Institute

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Three Christian couples decided to go out for a time of fellowship by having a nice evening meal at a popular local restaurant.  When they arrived at the place, it was full so they were assigned a number, sent to a crowded, noisy room, and told to ... Continue

Oct
13

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

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Israel’s Worst Fear Coming True A rabbi was at odds with his congregation. The president of the synagogue said, “Rabbi, we must have a conference to settle this dispute once and for all.” So the rabbi, the president and the ten elders met together to discuss the ... Continue

Oct
6

All the Fat is Not the Lord’s

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The devout cowboy lost his Bible while mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Good Book in its mouth. The cow-poke couldn't believe what he was seeing. He took the book out of the animal’s mouth, raised ... Continue

Sep
29

Bibi and the Bible

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A young man wanted to be a preacher. He stated that although his reading and writing were not the best, he knew the Good Book from cover to cover.  The fella was asked to demonstrate his knowledge of the Scriptures and he chose the Parable of the ... Continue

Sep
15

Arsenic and Old Rice?

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Arsenic And Old Lace is a comedic story about two elderly ladies named Abby and Martha who run a boarding house.  The old spinsters, feeling sorry for their equally old bachelor tenants, decide to put the fellas out of their misery by slowly but surely poisoning them.  ... Continue

Sep
8

Church in the “Spots” Light

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A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.  They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just ... Continue

Sep
1

The Dark Side of Martin Luther King

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A man who loved books met a friend who had just thrown away a Bible that had been stored in the attic of his home for generations.  “I couldn’t read it,” the friend explained. “Somebody named Guten-something had printed it.”  Not Gutenberg!” the book lover exclaimed in ... Continue

Aug
25

Grapes of Wrath

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A pastor decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his sermon.  So four worms were placed in four jars. The first worm in a container of alcohol. The second worm in a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm in a container of chocolate syrup. ... Continue

Aug
18

When Kids Leave You Speechless

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It was Mark Twain who said, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in just ... Continue

Aug
11

Is There Something Corny About the King James Version?

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A woman of unidentified hair colour called her husband at work and said, “Can you help me when you get home?” “Sure,” he replied, “What’s the problem?”  She then told him, “Well, I started a really hard jigsaw puzzle and I can’t even find the edge pieces.”  ... Continue

Aug
4

Whose Bright Idea was This?

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There’s an old story of a man  who was out walking late at night and saw an individual searching for something near a lamp post. Approaching, he asked the person what they were looking for.  The guy, without raising his head, replied, “My watch”. The man asked, ... Continue

Jul
28

Type-In’s

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A mother and her children were at home, up in their attic, doing some cleaning.  While they were there, the kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked, “Hey Mom, what's this?”  “Oh, that's a typewriter,”she replied, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.  “Well what does ... Continue

Jul
21

Has the Cure for Cancer been Found?

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Back in 2005, when we first met with the oncologist to go over cancer treatment options for my wife, I mentioned to him a  comment I had recently heard that was made by some medical researchers.  They said, “We are turning the corner on a cure for ... Continue

Jul
14

Nyet to Same-Sex

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The last line of the old Flintstones cartoon theme song says, “...we’ll have a gay old time.”  And increasingly that is the way things are trending in this world for homosexual activists with America being now the latest nation to get on board the same-sex marriage train.  Note - There are ... Continue