Get Your Crayons Out?

A little four-year-old girl was hard at work drawing with a crayon.  Her mother inquired, “Sally, what are you doing that requires such concentration?” She replied, “I am drawing a picture of God.”  Mom smiled and said gently, “Sally, no one knows what God looks like.” to which the young daughter countered with, “Well, they … [Read more…]

The Right Cup

Two Jews, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”  “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”  When the oriental waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”  “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, … [Read more…]

Saving Money & Saving Families

Chick-Fil-A & Cell Phones Bill wants to get his wife, Sharon, something nice for their first wedding anniversary and so he decides to buy her a cell phone.  Sharon is excited about  receiving such a present and Bill shows her how to use it.  The next day, Sharon goes shopping at Walmart and her phone … [Read more…]

When Politics Worked – Reagan and O’Neill

A busload of politicians were being driven in the country when all of a sudden the vehicle ran off the road and crashed into a barn.  The farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried every one of the elected officials. A few days later, the local … [Read more…]

The Donut Girls

There was a senior citizen who lived in a small town all by herself.  In the early evening she had retired to bed when all of a sudden sounds started coming from downstairs, someone had broken into her home.  The elderly lady grabbed the phone, got under her bed, and called nine-one-one, but it just … [Read more…]

Sunday Best?

A Baptist church tried to get a man to attend its services, but he never would show up. “Why don’t you come?” the preacher asked, and the man finally admitted it was because he didn’t have the proper clothes to wear.  So a member of the congregation took him to a clothing store to get … [Read more…]

A Womb with a View

A WOMB WITH A VIEW A man and his wife were making the initial doctor visit prior to the birth of what would be their first child. After everything checked out, they wondered when to  return.  The physician took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.  The couple were curious as … [Read more…]

Titanic II

A magician was working on a cruise ship.  Since the audience was different each week,  he did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem – the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick – and once the bird understood, he … [Read more…]

Not Feeling Super

Auburn University football coach, Shug Jordan, asked his former star linebacker, Mike Kollin, who was then playing for the Miami Dolphins, if he would help him do some recruiting.  The conversation went like this: “Sure coach, what kind of player are you looking for?” … “Well Mike, you know there’s that fellow you knock him … [Read more…]

Bye, Bye Barbie

A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t yet bought her a gift. So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, “How much is that Barbie doll in the window?”  The sales clerk replied … [Read more…]

A Second Hobby

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, attic box. He happened to also mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had been printed on it.  “Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.  “Yes, that was it!”  “You idiot! You’ve thrown away one … [Read more…]

A Whole Lotto Love

Mike was recovering from a severe heart attack, and the doctor said there should be no excitement of any kind in his life for a couple months. He repeated, “None whatsoever!”  So when his wife found out they had won the lottery, worth four million dollars, she was afraid to tell him, for fear it … [Read more…]

Journey to the Center of the Earth

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn’t be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly … [Read more…]

Digging Up the Past

An archaeologist was digging in the desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy.  After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum.  “I’ve just discovered the 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed. The curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll … [Read more…]

Unicorns, Fact or Fiction?

The lyrics are from, The Unicorn, a song made famous by The Irish Rovers, a Canadian folk group was recorded and released in 1968, selling 8 million records and reaching #2 on the Top 100 list.  The author, Shil Silverstein, also wrote A Boy Named Sue. Now one of the attacks on (and mockery of) … [Read more…]

Before You Wish for an “Old-fashion” Christmas

A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede and they gather around Robin, the guide, who explains, “This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.”  A fellow at the front of the group asks, “When did that happen?” “1215,” answers Robin the guide.  The man looks at his … [Read more…]

Dueling Genealogies?

A baby polar bear goes up to his father and asks, “Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The father replies, “Sure you are, son.  I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.”  Still unsure, the baby polar bear goes to … [Read more…]

Deck the Halls – Fa La La La La La La La La??

Two little siblings were singing their favorite carol in church the Sunday before Christmas. The brother concluded “Silent Night” with the words, “sleep in heavenly beans.”  His sister immediately elbowed him and said, “No, no beans, peas!”  This Christmas season we’ll sing about forty carols, but one we won’t be singing  is the well-known Deck … [Read more…]

The Smartest Women in Church

With the help of a fertility specialist, a sixty-five-year-old woman has a baby.  Of course, all her relatives come to meet the newest member of their family.  However, when they ask to see the newborn, the senior mother says, “Not yet.”  A little while later they make the same request and get the same response, … [Read more…]

The CR-ISIS in France

During the Second World War a company of American soldiers was marching through France when a little old lady approached them with a broom over her shoulder. She joined the troops and began to march with them.  The soldiers smiled at the lady and told her to please step aside because she could not do … [Read more…]

The War on Delicious

Two people were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant waiting to place their order.  Above the menu on the wall was a sign that read, “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”  The one person said to the other, “Believe me, if I had a bill larger than a twenty, I wouldn’t be … [Read more…]

Sacred Cows?

Two cows were grazing by a highway when a tank-truck of milk, on its way to the distributor, happened to pass by. On one side of the vehicle in big red letters was a sign that read, “Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, Vitamin A added.”  One cow turned to the other and said, “Sort of makes you … [Read more…]

S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

A man had been driving all night to see his girlfriend at a university across the country and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have … [Read more…]

The Multi and the Fuhrer

A wealthy Arab sheik required a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors wanted to store some blood in case the need arose for a transfusion.  However, the Arab had a rare blood type that couldn’t be found locally, so the call went out to a number of countries.  Finally, a Jew was … [Read more…]

Take a Bow, Capitalism

A fortune-teller studied the hand of a young man and told him, “You will be quite poor and very unhappy until you are 37 years old.” The youth said, “Then will I become rich and happy?” The palm reader replied, “No, you will still be poor, but you’ll be used to it by then.” One … [Read more…]

Trash Talk

Recycling, What A Waste? A man tells about trying to throw a trash can away, the one thing it seems a garbage man won’t pick up. “One morning I set an old rusty trash can out at the street thinking that the garbage man would understand it needed to be thrown away; but when I … [Read more…]

No More Fifteen Minutes of Fame

It was in the1960s that avant garde  artist, Andy Warhol, famously predicted that with the beginning of the rise of the telecommunication age – “everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame”.  And although most people will never experience being celebrities in their lifetime, nevertheless more have and continue to do so, especially now with … [Read more…]

Meet the Women Who Are Taking the Fight to ISIS

There were three fellas talking in Tim Hortons – two about the amount of control they had over their wives, while the other remained silent.  After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and said, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”  The fellow … [Read more…]

Europe Rediscovers Its Borders

In 1995 the European Union signed what is known as The Schengen Agreement (named after the small town in Luxembourg where the 28 Euro nation members  agreed on a border-free zone between their countries).  The result?  Frontiers which had been bloodily fought over for centuries (and just a few years ago were  bottlenecks of traffic … [Read more…]

Luther to Enter Rome Again

A newspaper man entered a civic center where he noted there was a convention of Catholic brothers going on.  The reporter was not a particularly religious man, but he had always wondered what these fellas actually did.  So, going up to a man in a robe, he asked for a tour.  The monk was only … [Read more…]

What Would Jeremiah Do?

The traffic light just in front of him turned yellow so the driver did the right thing and stopped his vehicle, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.  The tailgating woman behind him was furious – she honked her horn and screamed in frustration, for not only had … [Read more…]

Shoot the King

A salesman was driving in the country when he noticed a young boy standing by the side of a barn.  On the wall were six circled targets with an arrow in each bulls-eye.  Amazed, the fella stopped his car, walked across the field, and asked the  kid how he was able to hit the exact … [Read more…]

King James Versions??

KING JAMES VERSIONS? It was Sunday morning in church and for the first time, a little first-grade girl got to sit in the adult service with her  parents.  And when the mom opened the Bible and set it on her lap, the daughter noticed the page.  She whispered to her mother, “Did God really write … [Read more…]

Women’s Parking Spaces

WOMEN’S PARKING SPACES An elderly woman stopped to pull her car into a parking space when a young man in his brand new Mercedes went around her and pulled into the spot.  This so upset the senior that she went up to the fella and said, “Hey, I was going to park there!”  The guy, … [Read more…]

The A’s, the B’s and the C’s

It was high school reunion time and 25 years after they had all received their diploma, there was talk of only one graduate.  His name was Harvey, the math-challenged country boy who had accumulated more wealth than the rest of his former classmates combined.  When Harvey arrived they all gathered around with just one question … [Read more…]

The Capital of Cheating

A teacher asked her students, “Having more than one wife at a time is known as polygamy, but what is having just one wife all your life called?  And a pupil replied, “monotony”.  Ashley Madison is a major website for married people who want to cheat on their spouse.  Its slogan is, “Life’s short, have … [Read more…]

The Biggest Discovery in New Images of Pluto is What Scientists Didn’t See

Someone has written, “Copernicus’ parents might just deserve some of the credit for his great discovery. Apparently at the age of twelve they said to him: ‘Young man, when are you going to realize that the world does not revolve around you!’” For evolutionary scientists, their origin-of-the-universe theory revolves around one thing more than any … [Read more…]

A Taxing Situation

The local tavern was so sure that its bouncer was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bouncer would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand it to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. … [Read more…]

Bruce and the Bible

A little boy and a little girl had just been introduced.  Soon they were trying to decide on which game to play.  The boy said, “I have an idea, how about baseball?”  The girl replied, “Oh no, I wouldn’t want to do that, baseball is a boy’s game.  It’s not feminine to run around on … [Read more…]

When Everything was Black & White

Pastor’s Page – Part 2 It has been said of Hollywood, “They don’t put their garbage out, the put it on television.” and watching today’s shows it would be hard to disagree.  All this made me think of the following poem: You could hardly see for the snow, spread the rabbit ears as far as … [Read more…]

The Billy Graham Rule

Someone has written – This is how to find your wife, even in the busiest of supermarkets.  Follow these four simple instructions, for the technique never fails. #1 – Have a look around at all of the shoppers, then walk up to the prettiest gal in the entire store. #2 – Say to her, “Excuse … [Read more…]

No Fairy-Tale

Bedtime Stories Benefit A little girl said the following as to what she thought was the difference between love and true love – “Love is when Daddy reads me a bedtime story.  True love is when he doesn’t skip any of the pages!” In the early years of a child’s life, the size of their … [Read more…]

Are Twins Taking Over?

Johnny, a very bright five-year-old, told his daddy he’d like to have a baby brother and offered to do whatever he could to help.  His father, a very bright thirty-five-year-old, paused for a moment and then replied, “I’ll tell you what, Johnny, if you pray every day for two months for a baby brother, I … [Read more…]

Is Anyone Out There?

At the space agency, three women (a brunette, a redhead, and a woman of unidentified hair colour) where trying to figure out where to go on the next extraterrestrial expedition.  The brunette said, “We should go to Mars.”  The redhead said, “No, we should go to Venus”.  As they continued arguing, the woman of unidentified … [Read more…]

Don’t Have a Cow!

An old cowboy sidled into a tavern and ordered a glass of milk with a shot of whiskey.  The saloon keeper fixed the drink and put it on the bar.  Then, a young circuit-riding preacher entered.  It was a hot day and with a long ride ahead, the parson asked for a cold glass of … [Read more…]

Coincidence or Prophetic?

A rabbi was at continual odds with his congregation.  Finally, the president of the synagogue said, “Rabbi, we must have a conference to settle this dispute once and for all.”  So the rabbi, the president, and the ten elders gathered together to discuss the issue, of which the rabbi soon discovered he was the only … [Read more…]

Victoria’s Victory! and Victoria’s Secret!

Two boys were walking down the sidewalk and saw an old woman reading the Bible.   One said to the other, “Oh, that’s my grandma.  She’s cramming for her finals.”  In the late 1800s, Queen Victoria of England attended worship at the famous St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. There, the famous monarch heard a sermon that … [Read more…]

The “Green” Thing

An anonymous woman writes, Checking out at the supermarket recently, the young cashier suggested that I should bring my own bags because plastic ones weren’t good for the environment. I apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my early days.”  The clerk responded, “Well, that’s the problem, your generation didn’t care … [Read more…]

Plain Old Vanilla?

PLAIN OLD VANILLA? A man approached an ice cream van and requested, “I’d like two scoops of chocolate, please.”  The girl behind the counter replied, “I’m very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn’t come in this morning and as a result we are all out of chocolate.”  “In that case,” the man continued, “I’ll have … [Read more…]

A Dickens of a Tale

A lady writes, “My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table.  There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went … [Read more…]

Blowing Smoke

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday morning sermon.  So at the beginning of the message he placed four worms in four jars: the first containing alcoholic wine, the second cigarette smoke, the third chocolate syrup, and the fourth good soil.  At the conclusion of the message he reported … [Read more…]

Germany’s Greater Grief

2 of 721 to me GERMANY’S GREATER GRIEF A fella walked into an eatery looking for a buddy with whom he was going to have some lunch.  As he passed by a table where two pretty young ladies were sitting, he noticed they were checking him out and heard ‘nine’.  With great pride he told … [Read more…]

The Boy Who Didn’t Come Back from Heaven

A young man was playing baseball when he got hit in the head with the ball and dropped to the ground.  He lay there unconscious.  They tried to revive him and thought he was dead.  Being a small town (and having only one mortician who was away until the next day) they took him to … [Read more…]

Breast Is Best

A proud Jewish mother was pushing her two young children down the sidewalk in a double stroller.  Along the way she met a friend who commented on how the woman’s kids were really growing.  The lady then asked how old they were and the mom replied, “The doctor is three and the lawyer is two.” … [Read more…]

Thinking Inside the Box

Someone has well said – “It  happens, even in the best of families, a baby is conceived (but this should not be a cause of alarm). The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.”  However, with the rise of the new morality and the resulting increase of out-of-wedlock births, … [Read more…]

Fighting the Good Fight

In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy enters a room and demands that Linus, who is her brother, change the channel on the television set.  Linus refuses, telling his sister, “What makes you think you can just come waltzing in here and take over?  Lucy replies, “See these five fingers. Individually they are not much, but when … [Read more…]

How About Them Apples

Someone has well said, “Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t the apple on the tree that got us kicked out of  the Garden of Eden, it was the pair on the ground.” When Adam and Eve got booted out of  paradise, it not only changed them for the worse, it also did the  same to … [Read more…]

New and Improved

A boy entered a grocery store and asked the grocer for some Tide. The merchant was puzzled and asked the kid why he wanted a box of detergent. The child replied he was going to wash his cat. The man said, “Young man, you shouldn’t wash a cat with this kind of soap.”  The boy … [Read more…]

Love is Anything But Grey

A young man goes into a drug store to buy three boxes of chocolate. The pharmacist asks, “What size do you want – small medium or large?”  The youth replies, “Well, here’s how it is.  I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really pretty.  I want the chocolate because I think tonight … [Read more…]

O Come, All Ye Faithful Taxpayers

One Sunday morning in church an usher dropped the collection plate and the offering flew everywhere – coins rolling on the floor and bills floating through the air. The congregation couldn’t help but laugh, so the usher felt he needed to give an explanation: “I couldn’t help but drop the plate.  I was just too … [Read more…]

No Yolking!

Yes, Scientists Have Cracked The Mystery Of How To Unboil An Egg Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. couldn’t put Humpty back together again. That is, until now!  It is something that scientists have been working on for years … [Read more…]

Holy Irony

World’s Largest Bible Publisher A Japanese tourist in New York City was taking an American-made taxi cab from the downtown out to the airport.  On the way, a car zoomed by the taxi and the Japanese tourist said, “Ah, Toyota, made in Japan, very fast.”  The cabbie said nothing.  Another car zoomed by and the … [Read more…]

Are Pictures of Jesus Wrong?

he Charlie Hebdo Massacre A kindergarten teacher was observing her class of children while they drew pictures. Occasionally, she would walk around the room to see each child’s work. “What are you drawing?” she asked one little girl who was laboring diligently at her desk.  The child replied, “I’m drawing God.”  The teacher paused and … [Read more…]

Calculating Cancer – What’s Luck Got to do with It?

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s. After his checkup, the physician called the wife into the office alone and told her – “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.  If you don’t do the following, he will surely die – make all of his meals from scratch, … [Read more…]

Why the Crackdown on Churches in China?

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”  “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”  When the oriental waiter came by, Al inquired of him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”  “I don’t know sir, let me check,” the waiter said, and … [Read more…]

Vertical Farming

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.  The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace … [Read more…]

The Day Santa was Naughty and Not Nice

Someone has said that there are four stages to a man’s life: one (you believe in Santa Claus), two (you don’t believe in Santa Claus), three (you are Santa Claus), and four (you look like Santa Claus). Let me tell you about the man we call Santa Claus.  St. Nick was born in the year … [Read more…]

A Diamond Not in the Rough

A woman entered a jewelry store and immediately voiced her complaint.  “Yesterday, you sold my husband a diamond ring, but it’s the wrong size.”  “No problem, madam,” replied the jeweler, “We can easily adjust the finger size.”  “You don’t understand,” said the wife, “You sold him a one-carat diamond and my finger takes a five-carat … [Read more…]

Going Against the Grain

An old Jewish man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal.  The old man replies, “Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread.”  So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give … [Read more…]

Potluck Pandemonium

Tragedy struck the Baptist church on Sunday when every covered dish at the church’s annual Christmas potluck was a green bean casserole.  Stunned onlookers watched in horror as family after family arrived with the same popular dish in tow.  By the time grace was said there were over twenty-five green bean casseroles lining the buffet … [Read more…]

Is the Pope Catholic?

On the first Friday of Lent, Fred was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.  On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just had to be … [Read more…]

Nothing to Sneeze At

Once when Red Skelton was being interviewed, he was asked if there was ever a time when he was at a loss for words.  The great comedian hesitated for a moment and then said, “Yes, I dreamed one night that I died and went to heaven and just as I was being taken before God, … [Read more…]

The Man with Forty Wives

THE MAN WITH FORTY WIVES A Mormon once pushed the American humourist, Mark Twain, into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After a long and tedious exposition justifying the practice, the cultist then demanded that Twain cite any biblical passage expressly forbidding polygamy.  “Easy,” Twain replied, “Luke 16:16 – No man can serve two … [Read more…]

King James for Kids

A parishioner went to her pastor complaining about Bible reading.  She said all was fine until she came up to the part that contained the genealogy list.  Her question was, ”Would it be alright to just skip those chapters?”  The minister replied, “I wouldn’t, for there is a great lesson to be learned from reading … [Read more…]

Flagging this Movement

On little Johnny’s first day of school, the class was to put their right hands over their hearts and recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the grand old flag.  The teacher watched the children closely as she started in, “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to…”  Then she … [Read more…]

Running Towards the Plague

Before I heard the doctors tell the dangers of a kiss, I had considered kissing you the nearest thing to bliss. But now I know biology and sit and sigh and moan; Six million mad bacteria, and I thot we were alone. Well, as we’re learning with Ebola, we are not alone on this planet; … [Read more…]

National Squirrel Appreciation Day

A minister visited a lady in a retirement home and as she lay in bed he spoke with her.  Now beside was a dish full of nuts.  The pastor ate one, then another, until before he knew it, looking down, they were all gone. “I am so sorry,” he confessed, “I ate all the nuts … [Read more…]

Thanks-Living

An American was being interviewed by an Englishman on BBC radio.  It was in the autumn of the year and the Yank asked the Brit if the English had a Thanksgiving Day like as the Americans.  The interviewer replied that they did, however, theirs was not in November, but a few months earlier in September.  … [Read more…]

Paying the Tab

PAYING THE TAB A $20 bill and a $1 bill were telling one another about their travels.  The $20 bill said he had just been on a whirlwind trip to – gambling casinos, fancy restaurants, sporting events, etc.; buying the beer and wine,  it was all quite exhilarating.  The $1 bill replied that his life … [Read more…]

And God Created Caffeine

AND GOD CREATED CAFFEINE Mama Bear tossed and turned, but could not fall asleep.  When her restlessness kept awaking Papa Bear, he finally cried out in exasperation; “How many times do I have to tell you, no coffee after September!”  Well today, it’s not bears and caffeine, but bees and caffeine I want to talk … [Read more…]

Steve Jobs, A Low-tech Parent

Bill Gates is walking along the ocean shore when he discovers a bottle in the sand.  He pulls out the cork and a genie appears. The genie says, “I have been trapped inside this container for over one-hundred years.  As a reward for releasing me, you can make one wish.”  The founder of Microsoft thinks … [Read more…]

Stem Cells

STEM CELLS One woman writes, “I was in my ninth month of pregnancy feeling very uncomfortable. And on top of all of this, my pleas for sympathy from my husband seemed to be going unnoticed. So one day I said to him, ‘I hope in your next life you get to be pregnant!’ – which … [Read more…]

Jostling Jihadists

A Jewish man was riding on the subway, reading an Arab newspaper.  A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon.  Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.  “Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?”   Moshe replied, “I used to … [Read more…]

Cookie Monsters

Children lined up in the cafeteria of a religious school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The teacher made a note: “Take only one, God is watching.” At the other end of the table was a large heap of chocolate chip cookies for which a boy had … [Read more…]

Who’s Laughing Now?

When the 1960s ended, San Francisco’s famed hippie district, Haight-Ashbury, reverted to a high rent area; so many of the flower-children generation moved down the coast to Santa Cruz. There they got married and had children (though not always in that particular order).  However, these parents didn’t give their offspring traditional names like John or … [Read more…]

Crop Circles

In 1978, Doug Bower was sitting in a pub in England with his drinking buddy, Dave Chorley, and they got to talking about UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects).  On the way home both thought – wouldn’t it be great to create a (flying-saucer/circle-like) indentation in a crop field to see what kind of reaction it would … [Read more…]

Look Who’s On the Jew’s Side

A rabbi put an advertisement in the classified section of the Sunday newspaper offering his services. The next day a Jewish grandmother called asking about his hours and the rabbi replied “24/6…”  Well, today is the day of rest for the believer and so I hesitate to bring up unrest.  But I am asked often … [Read more…]

Fat Heads

A man went to the doctor for his annual check-up.  After doing the usual battery of tests, the physician asked him about his daily diet.  The fella responded as follows: “For breakfast I usually have things like eggs, bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, toast, butter, and some coffee.  For morning break, I have two to three … [Read more…]

Our Shrinking Sun

A Russian, an American, and a woman of undetermined hair colour were talking. The Russian said, “We were first in space!”  The American said, “We were first on the moon!”  The woman said, “So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!”  The Russian and the American looked at each other, shaking their … [Read more…]

The Bad News for the Good News

After the baptism of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the family car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “The minister said he wanted all of us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to … [Read more…]

Economics 101

The story is told of three guys out fishing on a lake when all of sudden Jesus appeared, – first walking on the water and then joining them in the boat. After the three astonished men had finally settled down long enough to speak, the first fella humbly asked, “Lord, I’ve suffered from back pain … [Read more…]

No Kidding

A family took their eight-year-old son to a fancy restaurant for his birthday.  When it came time to order, the boy said he wanted a grilled-cheese sandwich.  The waitress replied that grilled-cheese was not on the menu.  The boy said, “You have bread, don’t you?  You have cheese, don’t you?  You have butter, don’t you?”  … [Read more…]

Still Waters Run Deep

And the Lord spoke to Noah: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet.  So I am ordering you … [Read more…]

Laughing Your Way Thru Labour?

A couple go to their first pre-natal class. The husband is told to wear a bag of sand so that he has an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The man stands up and says, “This doesn’t feel so bad.” The instructor then drops a pen and asks him to pick it … [Read more…]

Joel “Ecumenical” Osteen

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of the Lenten season, John was outside barbequing a big juicy sirloin steak on his grill.  Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on for each Friday of Lent. On the … [Read more…]

Raising the Bar

A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.  At the first lawyer’s office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, “Okay, let’s get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think … [Read more…]

Gendercide

During his sermon, a pastor noticed one of the young wives in the congregation, who was quite pregnant, continually rubbing her side.  After the service, he asked her at the door, “Are you okay?  I noticed during my message that you were holding onto your side.”  “Oh, I’m fine,” she answered.  “It was just the … [Read more…]

The End of the Ice Age?

A surgeon was relaxing at home one Saturday morning when his wife gave him a list of things to be done at the house.  As he was going over the items, the phone rang. He answered and heard the familiar voice of a colleague, “We need a fourth for golf at the country club,” said … [Read more…]

Israel’s Demographic Time Bomb

One lady writes, “To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test.  Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up.  I didn’t think how it appeared to the clerk when I waddled up, nine months pregnant, to pay for the kit.  ‘Honey, she said, ‘I can … [Read more…]

He’s No Saint

Two brothers were well-known criminals in the city where they lived.  There seemed to be no crime in which the siblings were not involved, whether it was gambling, prostitution, murder, etc. – you name it, they were connected to it.  As time would have it, the older of the two brothers died. While trying to … [Read more…]

Holocaust Two

Canada is one of only four nations in the entire world (China, Cuba, North Korea) that has absolutely no abortion law whatsoever.  Here’s a brief history.  In 1892, the Canadian federal government passed a law prohibiting abortion, placing it under the criminal code.  In 1969, Canadian Prime Minister, Pierre Eliot Trudeau, began the first liberalizing … [Read more…]

Bad Moon Rising

Two fellas, after having had apple cider that had been allowed to sit a little too long, were walking back home. One said, “What a beautiful night. Just look at that moon.” The other countered, “That’s not the moon. That’s the sun.” So began a spirited (pardon the pun) debate with neither fella giving in. … [Read more…]

How to Date Jesus’ Wife

“Scientists Say Jesus Had A Wife” – this is the headline gone around the world.  And where did it come from?  (In 2012, Harvard Divinity School’s Karen King, unveiled a papyrus fragment she called, The Gospel Of Jesus’ Wife.  The 1″ by 3″ piece of parchment contains only these words, Jesus said to them, My … [Read more…]

Firestorm at Firefox

“I believe in same-sex marriage, the same sex with the same woman.” Brendan Eich is one of the pioneers of the internet system, having invented both Java Script for Netscape and Firefox for Mozilla. Thus it seemed only natural that when Mozilla needed a new CEO, Brendan was their man.  So the company issued a … [Read more…]

The “Fools” of April Fool’s Day

n the southern United States, an atheist brought a case  against the Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring the discrimination suit regarding  Christians, Jews, and their observances of these two religious holidays. The legal complaint?  It was unfair that atheists had no such recognized day(s) of their own. The matter … [Read more…]

Women and Children First?

On A Sinking Ship – It’s Every Man For Himself Back in the days of the steam ship, only rich white folk could afford to cruise the high seas.  On one such trip, their boat struck a rock and began to sink resulting in all of the passengers fearing for their lives.  A number thought … [Read more…]

Sexual Abuse – It’s not just the Catholics

“Any Form Of Sexual Contact Without Both Being Legally Able To And Voluntarily Consenting To.” This past week, three conservative ministries are in the news, and all for the wrong reason. Each one (a big fundamental university, a top Bible college, and a well-known curriculum provider) is dealing with a sexual abuse and/or sexual harassment … [Read more…]

A Baptist Leads Ukraine

He’ll Need The Wisdom Of Solomon Former United States President, Ronald Reagan, tells the following story from his first meeting with then Soviet Union Premier, Mikhail Gorbachev: I said, “Mr. Premier, in America, anyone can, without fear of harm, come into the White House, pound on the desk, and say – I disagree with the … [Read more…]

Getting Over the Hump

Do Camels Disprove The Bible? A team of small animals and a team of large animals decided to play football one against the other.  During the first half of the game, the large animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the small animals came out on top. … [Read more…]

GAS Wars – Russia vs. Israel

Two natural gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window, watched the two men as … [Read more…]

The Search for Perfect Pastor

Adam – A good man but wife problems.  And rumors that the two of them enjoy walking unclad in the woods. Noah – He has 120 years preaching experience, but not one convert.  Also he’s prone to unrealistic building projects.  And his kids have seen him drunk and naked. Methuselah – Too old . . … [Read more…]

Thinking Outside the Box

Israeli Invents Cardboard Bicycle 1816 is known  historically as, “The Year Without A Summer.”  In Indonesia, the largest volcanic eruptions ever recorded occurred, with atmospheric ashes spreading over the Northern Hemispheres of Europe and America.  This resulted in the blockage of the sun’s rays and caused a summer of falling snow and iced lakes.  For … [Read more…]

Haprer and Israel – Best Friends Forever

An Arab required a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type just in case the need arose.  Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally, a Jew was located who … [Read more…]

God’s Pharmacy

A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. “Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,” the doctor of medicine says. “Don’t worry,” replies the senior. “It takes me four hours each time to get the lid off!” God’s pharmacy does not consist of … [Read more…]

Not So Fast

A young fella saw an elderly couple sitting down to eat lunch at a fast food place. He particularly noticed that they had ordered just one meal. As the youth watched, the man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him and one for her, until each had the … [Read more…]

Putting Global Warming on Ice

One lady writes, My husband and I purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.  But my husband confidently declared, “If they could live here all those years, so can we!”  But one November night the … [Read more…]

Under the Mistletoe

One man writes: It was slightly after Thanksgiving and the visit had gone well.  I was now ready to go back home. The airport had turned a tacky red and green with loudspeakers blaring annoying elevator renditions of carols. As someone who takes Christmas  seriously and, being  tired, I was not in a particularly good … [Read more…]

Give Me Oil in My Lamp

Here’s my solution for global warming – we can all lower the temperature just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius! For the past twenty-five years, when it came to the energy question, the answer was almost universal –  fossil fuels (oil/gas) are the capitalistic villains who will doom us all and green energies (wind/solar) are … [Read more…]

‘Tis the Season for Sneezing

“If you go to a doctor to treat your cold, it will go away in fourteen days; but, if you stay at  home and treat it yourself, it will go away in two weeks.” Well, when it comes to the cold-and-flu season, winter has nothing to do with it and winter has everything to do … [Read more…]

Income Inequality

One fella writes, “I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise if he wanted me to stay.  He asked what three companies and so I told him – the gas, electric, and cable company.” Well, there is no question that workers today are really feeling it when it … [Read more…]

Coffee-Ology

A husband and wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.  The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, “No, you are in charge of cooking around here and you … [Read more…]

Big MOUTHS

“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” the man said to the dental receptionist.  “I’m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you.” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “Can you tell me when will he be out again?”Today, we are going to look at teeth, in particular, wisdom … [Read more…]

Hallmark – Wrecking the Halls

The calendar just flipped to November and already Hallmark is having a difficult holiday season. This month Hallmark introduced a new 2013 Christmas ornament shaped like a tacky holiday sweater with a festive message: “Don we now our fun apparel!”  instead of “Don we now our gay apparel!”  The company made the change in order … [Read more…]

The Gospel of Ghoul

A lady writes  – One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as Rocky, with satin shorts, high-top sneakers, boxing gloves, etc.  I gave him some goodies and soon afterwards he returned for more. I asked, “Aren’t you the same Rocky who left my doorstep several minutes ago?” He replied, “Yes, but now I’m … [Read more…]

Flood of Criticism – Coming Noah Movie

The Lord spoke to Noah, “Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. So I want you to build … [Read more…]

MOOD SWING – Moody Bible Institute

Three Christian couples decided to go out for a time of fellowship by having a nice evening meal at a popular local restaurant.  When they arrived at the place, it was full so they were assigned a number, sent to a crowded, noisy room, and told to wait until their number was called.  While there, … [Read more…]

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Israel’s Worst Fear Coming True A rabbi was at odds with his congregation. The president of the synagogue said, “Rabbi, we must have a conference to settle this dispute once and for all.” So the rabbi, the president and the ten elders met together to discuss the issue – but the rabbi soon discovered that … [Read more…]

All the Fat is Not the Lord’s

The devout cowboy lost his Bible while mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Good Book in its mouth. The cow-poke couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He took the book out of the animal’s mouth, raised his eyes towards heaven and exclaimed, “It’s a … [Read more…]

Bibi and the Bible

A young man wanted to be a preacher. He stated that although his reading and writing were not the best, he knew the Good Book from cover to cover.  The fella was asked to demonstrate his knowledge of the Scriptures and he chose the Parable of the Good Samaritan: Once there was a man traveling … [Read more…]

The Cold, Hard Fact

A tourist was driving through Texas and stopped at a gas station.  He observed a small piece of rope hanging down with a sign above it, “Weather Forecaster.”  The man inquired of an old-timer, “How does this thing work,” The fella replied, “When it swings, it’s windy. When it’s wet, it means rain.  When it’s … [Read more…]

Arsenic and Old Rice?

Arsenic And Old Lace is a comedic story about two elderly ladies named Abby and Martha who run a boarding house.  The old spinsters, feeling sorry for their equally old bachelor tenants, decide to put the fellas out of their misery by slowly but surely poisoning them.  So they keep adding arsenic to the elderberry … [Read more…]

Church in the “Spots” Light

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.  They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the … [Read more…]

The Dark Side of Martin Luther King

A man who loved books met a friend who had just thrown away a Bible that had been stored in the attic of his home for generations.  “I couldn’t read it,” the friend explained. “Somebody named Guten-something had printed it.”  Not Gutenberg!” the book lover exclaimed in horror. “That Bible was one of the first … [Read more…]

Grapes of Wrath

A pastor decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his sermon.  So four worms were placed in four jars. The first worm in a container of alcohol. The second worm in a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm in a container of chocolate syrup. And the fourth worm in a container of … [Read more…]

When Kids Leave You Speechless

It was Mark Twain who said, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in just seven short years!” But what do you … [Read more…]

Is There Something Corny About the King James Version?

A woman of unidentified hair colour called her husband at work and said, “Can you help me when you get home?” “Sure,” he replied, “What’s the problem?”  She then told him, “Well, I started a really hard jigsaw puzzle and I can’t even find the edge pieces.”  “Look on the box,” he advised.  “There’s always … [Read more…]

Whose Bright Idea was This?

There’s an old story of a man  who was out walking late at night and saw an individual searching for something near a lamp post. Approaching, he asked the person what they were looking for.  The guy, without raising his head, replied, “My watch”. The man asked, “Well, precisely where were you standing when you … [Read more…]

Type-In’s

A mother and her children were at home, up in their attic, doing some cleaning.  While they were there, the kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked, “Hey Mom, what’s this?”  “Oh, that’s a typewriter,”she replied, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.  “Well what does it do?” they inquired.  “I’ll show you,” she said, … [Read more…]

Has the Cure for Cancer been Found?

Back in 2005, when we first met with the oncologist to go over cancer treatment options for my wife, I mentioned to him a  comment I had recently heard that was made by some medical researchers.  They said, “We are turning the corner on a cure for cancer.”   I asked if he agreed and the … [Read more…]

Nyet to Same-Sex

The last line of the old Flintstones cartoon theme song says, “…we’ll have a gay old time.”  And increasingly that is the way things are trending in this world for homosexual activists with America being now the latest nation to get on board the same-sex marriage train.  Note – There are presently fifteen countries that … [Read more…]

Has Anyone Seen the Baby?

Johnny had just received his brand new driver’s license.  The family goes out to the driveway and climbs into the car where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad heads for the rear seat directly behind the new driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change … [Read more…]

Canada VS. America

99 Reasons Why It’s Better To Be A Canadian In heaven, God was talking to an angel about a beautiful country he was creating –  “It will have lakes, mountains, and trees covering the land.  The air will be crisp and fresh, the water will always be clean, and the people will be the most … [Read more…]

Five Reasons the World Needs Duck Dynasty

Let me say it loud and clear: the world needs Duck Dynasty.  It may very well be the most important program on television today.  I know to some the popular series seems like nothing more than a silly reality show – thirty minutes of bearded-men making duck calls, drinking sweet tea, hunting and blowing stuff … [Read more…]

Thinking Outside the Box

An African  man, who makes caskets, was on the way to deliver one when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began walking to his destination.  Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off the fella (a bribe), so they challenged him: … [Read more…]

Television Viewpoint

A fourth television channel was recently launched in Russia.  A Soviet citizen turned on the first channel and saw President Putin’s speech being broadcast. He turned to the second channel and the same thing. The third channel and President Putin again. Finally he switched to the fourth channel only to find there a KGB officer … [Read more…]

Mother Knows Best

In a valley between two mountains lies a small village.  In this modest village lives a man known throughout the area for his wisdom. He knows when it rains, and thus when the village should plant crops.  He can predict the frost, and thus when crops should be harvested.  He knows how to treat illness … [Read more…]

Hygiene Hypothesis

You’re pushing your baby in a stroller when her pacifier tumbles to the ground.  What do you do?  a) You stick the pacifier in a bag where you keep dirty pacifiers to be boiled in hot water at home later and you pull out a clean one from a separate bag. b) You step into … [Read more…]

Oil & Gas

Moses Gets The Last Laugh J. Paul Getty, the multi-billionaire, was once asked the secret of making a fortune.  He replied, “Rise early, work hard, and strike oil.”  Ever since the Nation of Israel came into being in 1948, there has been an ongoing effort to strike oil in the Promised Land (like that of … [Read more…]

Terrorist Test

Islam And Immigration “While Hindus, Sikhs, Christians, Parsees and Jews, along with several million adherents of an animistic religion, all coexisted in relative harmony, one religion that would not accept compromise stood out from the rest: Islam.” These words were spoken in the year 1913 by the famous Indian pacifist, Mahatma Gandhi.  And there is … [Read more…]

The Picture That Says It All

It is the murder trial that is giving even seasoned crime reporters nightmares.  Abortionist Dr. Kermitt Gosnell runs the Women’s Medical Clinic in the city of Philadelphia. He is charged with multiple counts of killing babies; not inside, but outside the womb.  These are infants who survived his late term abortion procedure and then had … [Read more…]

Pay As You Weigh

Samoa Airline operates out of the South Pacific.  It is a  small airline that has recently made big news because of its new ticket pricing policy known as, paying-by-the-pound.  Here’s how it works.  When you arrive at their air terminal ticket counter there is a weigh scale.  You step on the scale and the price … [Read more…]

Use It or Lose It

Modern Technology And Memory Loss An exhausted businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his favourite chair before he dropped into it. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall, cool drink, and a comforting word.  She said,  “My dear, you look so tired.  You must have had a hard day at … [Read more…]

The Natural Advantage

A young couple, upon learning of their first child being on the way, visited a medical clinic.  After everything checked out, the new parents-to-be inquired as to when they should return.  The doctor replied by taking a very small stamper and imprinting something on the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.  When they arrived home they … [Read more…]

Queen James Version

The Newest Translation Just before the death of the great comedian W. C. Fields, a friend came to visit him in the hospital.  When he got there the friend was surprised to find W. C thumbing through a Bible. When asked what he was doing, Fields replied “I’m looking for loopholes.” Well, for the past … [Read more…]

Pope Francis – A First for Rome

A couple of Baptist deacons walked into a Holiday Inn for supper when they noticed a meeting room full of Catholic monks.  The brothers were there for a religious seminar.  The two Baptists thought, “Why not take advantage of the moment and get a little education about the various orders?”  So the deacons entered the … [Read more…]

The Real Curse of the Mummies?

The modern curse of the mummies began with an event that occurred after the discovery of King Tut’s tomb.  Legend had it that anyone who dared to open the tomb of a mummy would suffer the wrath of that mummy.  This was hyped when Lord Carnarvon, the person who funded the dig of King Tut’s … [Read more…]

Oil and Nuts

“What do you call someone who has abandoned their diet?  A desserter!” Diet is once again in the news.  In particular, what is called the Mediterranean Diet.  The Mediterranean Diet is the daily meal intake of those nations found around  the Mediterranean Sea (Algeria, Cyprus, Egypt, France, Greece, Israel, Italy, Lebanon, Libya, Malta, Monaco, Morocco, … [Read more…]

G. I. Janes

One female comedian writes, “We now have women in the military, but the army won’t put them on the front lines. And the reason?  They don’t know if they can fight and kill.  I say yes they can and here’s all that has to be done to prove my point.  Have a general walk over … [Read more…]

The Tale of Two Tommys

Thomas Mulcair is the current leader of the federal New Democratic Party.  Tommy Douglas was the first leader of the New Democratic Party.  Thomas Mulcair is the eighth leader of the NDP.  Tommy Douglas was the founder of the NDP.  Thomas Mulcair is a Quebec lawyer.  Tommy Douglas was a Baptist minister.  Thomas Mulcair is … [Read more…]

Bieber & Beethoven

A professor in a world-class school of medicine once posed this medical and ethical situation to their young doctors in training.  “Here’s the family history.  The father has syphilis.  The mother has tuberculosis.  They already have had four children.  The first is blind.  The second is dead.  The third is deaf. The fourth has tuberculosis.  … [Read more…]

God Made a Farmer

And on the 8th day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need a caretaker!”.  So, God made a farmer! God said I need somebody to get up before dawn and milk cows and work all day in the fields, milk cows again, eat supper and then go to town and stay … [Read more…]

Gay Days

Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; but the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all.  Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son … [Read more…]

Idle, No More – The Indian Protest

Tonto was asked by the Lone Ranger what his wife’s name was.  The native replied, ‘Three Horse”.  “Three Horse?  That’s an unusual name.  What does it mean?”  And the old Indian said, “Nag, Nag, Nag!” (Sorry ladies)  But the truth be known, that’s not my joke.  It’s from Clarence Louie, Chief of the Osoyoos Indian … [Read more…]

A Lost Voyageur, A Found Loonie

A Robert Ralph Carmichael painting can cost in the neighbourhood of $15,000.  But, for a buck you can get  his most widely produced piece of art.  Fish around in your pocket; when you find a loonie, squint, and you’ll see the initials RRC under the tip of the beak.  That’s Carmichael.  But his now iconic … [Read more…]

Lighter Than You Think

LIGHTER THAN YOU THINK A couple had been fighting for weeks over the purchase of an automobile. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast sports car that she could dart in and out of traffic when going shopping. The discussion was getting quite heated when finally the wife stated, “Look, I want something … [Read more…]

Have Gun, Will Shoot

Twenty-four year old Danny Simpson was sentenced to six years in jail for robbing a bank of $6,000.  But the gun he used in the crime ended up in a museum.  It turned out to be a 1918  antique worth over $100,000. If Danny had known what he had in his hands, he never would … [Read more…]

Too Pretty to Work Here

TOO PRETTY TO WORK HERE A man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much to pull a tooth.  “$100,” the dentist says.  “That’s ridiculous,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if I don’t use my assistant, I can knock the price down to $75.”  “Nope,” complains the … [Read more…]

Saviour or Savior?

Two men met on an air plane and one man asked the other about his religious faith… “Are you a Christian?”  “Yes.” “Protestant or Baptist?”  “Baptist.” “Evangelical or fundamental?”  “Fundamental.” “Fellowship or independent?”  “Independent.” “Local Church or invisible church?”  “Local.” “Sprinkling or immersion?”  “Immerse.” “Church Membership or adherent?  “Member.” “Hymns or choruses?”  “Hymns.” “Men pastors … [Read more…]

Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.  “What’s wrong Molly?” she asked.  Molly told her that she had morning sickness. Surprised, Sarah said, “Hurray!  I didn’t even know you were … [Read more…]

Oil to Burn

Late night comedian Jay Leno said the following in one of his monologues on the high price of gas: “There was a sign at the gas station near my house that said, ‘We take Visa, Master Card, Discover Card, and American Express.’ And sure enough, after I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, … [Read more…]

Sitting, The New Smoking

A young woman (of unidentified hair colour) is terribly overweight.  She goes to her doctor who puts her on a strict diet. “For the next two weeks, I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost  five pounds.”  When the woman returns … [Read more…]

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Poison Dart Frogs The family of poison dart frogs boasts over 245 species, displaying an astonishing array of colours and potency.  Their brilliant shades and patterns range from strawberry red, canary yellow, sunny orange, metallic green, even to black with yellow polka-dots.  When eaten, some merely taste bitter or irritate the predator’s mouth with slight … [Read more…]

It’s OK, to Wish Me A Merry Christmas

On a weekday in a December, Mrs. Ashley Tarter of Williamsburg, West Virginia, was out doing her gift-buying for  family members.  As Ashley went from store to store, she began to notice something similar happening after each purchase –  none of the cashiers were wishing her a Merry Christmas.  Oh they said, Happy Holidays or … [Read more…]

Conceived in Rape Tour

Untold Stories And Unknown Facts Whether one is pro-abortion or anti-abortion, both sides have traditionally agreed on it being morally and legally acceptable to terminate a pregnancy if it was caused by rape or if it puts the life of the mother in danger.  Concerning the latter, it was former U.S. Surgeon General under President … [Read more…]

Centenarians

Ten Signs You’ll Live To Be 100 One fella writes, “When my grandmother was in her late nineties, she decided to move to Israel and as part of her preparations, she went to see her doctor to get all her charts. The physician asked her how she was doing, so she gave him her litany … [Read more…]

Living Large

World’s Most Obese People When it comes to global obesity there is one constant – the more money a nation has the more weight its people gain.  And there is no place on earth where this is more true than in the Persian Gulf.  The world’s dependence on foreign oil and resulting cash influx have … [Read more…]

Nowhere But Up – Justin Bieber’s Mom

Patricia “Pattie” Mallette was born on April 2, 1975, in Stratford Ontario.  She was the daughter of a French Canadian couple who had recently moved to southern Ontario from the northern province town of Timmons.   Pattie’s father was an alcoholic who physically abused his wife while she was carrying Pattie. Shortly after the little girl’s … [Read more…]

Paying the Price

Price-Tag Attacks A Jew and a Christian were arguing about the ways of their religion. The Jewish man said, “You people have been taking things from us for thousands of years; the Ten Commandments, for instance.” The Christian replied, “Well, it’s true that we took the Ten Commandments from you, but you can’t actually say … [Read more…]

Clash of the Clippers!

Amish Beard Cutters Sitting on the back of a horse-drawn hay-cart on his dairy farm in the rolling rural heartland of Amish country, Andy Hershberger gripped his foot-long beard as he replayed the struggle with assailants wielding hair-clippers.  “They were holding me down and had already got a chunk of the hair from my head,” … [Read more…]

The Long and Short of It All

An archaeologist was digging in the desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy.  After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious  museum. “I’ve just discovered the 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.  The curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check … [Read more…]

The Students Who Run the World

What do so many politicians (such as Winston Churchill, Prime Minister), entrepenuers (such as Richard Branson, Virgin Airlines), investors (such as Warren Buffett, Stock Market) inventors (such as Steve Jobs, Apple Computers), and businessmen (such as Ron Joyce, Tim Hortons) have in common?  They were all “C” students in school.  None were ever voted by … [Read more…]

Two Moms, Two Dads, Too Sad

This coming Tuesday evening, NBC in America and CTV in Canada will premier a television program called, The New Normal.  The synopsis is as follows: These days families come in all forms, including – single dads, single moms, double dads, double moms, etc.  It’s 2012 and anything goes! Bryan and David  are a Los Angeles … [Read more…]

Fighting Over the Farm

The old North American farm is experiencing a revival – yuppies swapping the comforts of city life for overalls and buckets of manure, municipal bylaw officials  debating the merits of backyard chicken coops, the explosion of farmer’s markets, community gardens, high-end restaurants specializing in local food, and home-delivery services of fresh produce from nearby farms.  … [Read more…]

What Stay-At-Home Moms are Worth

An accountant’s wife went away for the weekend to visit her sister, who had just had her first baby  That left the accountant in charge, for the first time, of his own three toddlers, al under age five.  When the accountant’s wife returned, he filed the following report with her:                 Number of diapers changed … [Read more…]

The Day the Music Died (And a Soul Survived)

The Day The Music Died is the subtitle of songwriter (Don McLean’s) infamous song, American Pie, which recounts an aviation tragedy that occurred on February 3, 1959, in a farm field near Clear Lake, Iowa.  It was there that three popular rock-and-roll singers (Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, J. P. “The Big Bopper” Richardson) and the … [Read more…]

A Fundamental Flaw

The First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, is the biggest fundamental work on earth.  To those in old-time fundamentalism, it is the citadel of the movement.  This is mainly due to the fact that under  the leadership of Dr. Jack Hyles, the ministry became the world’s largest Sunday School.  Thus it was with great sadness … [Read more…]

Out With the Bad, In With the Worse

s he was making his way back to the hotel, he felt a gun in his back. “What’s your religion?” a man growled.  The Yankee had no real religion but he knew if he said he was Catholic and this guy was Protestant he’d kill him or if he said he was Protestant and the … [Read more…]

Canadians Are Richer Than They Think

It is said that on the sixth day of creation, God turned to the archangel Gabriel and stated, “Today, I am going to create a land called Canada.  It will have tall majestic mountains, rich soiled valleys, lush green forests, beautiful sparking lakes, and white sandy beaches. It will then be full of magnificent wildlife … [Read more…]

Mother Knows Best

Sam invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mom noticed how beautiful Sam’s roommate, Ann, was. She thought there may be more between them then sharing the cost of a place. Afterwards, while watching the two, she grew even more suspicious. Reading his moms thoughts, Sam volunteered, ”I know what you’re thinking, … [Read more…]

Crystal Methamphetamine Capital of Ontario

One of the jobs of those who work as prison guards is to read all the mail that prisoners either send or receive.  This is done for various reasons such as security concerns, evidence gathering, threats of violence, etc.  And one thing noticed over the past few years is the increase of letters with postmarks … [Read more…]

Fire From Heaven?

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas … [Read more…]

Snake Bitten

Mark 16:15-20 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.  He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.  And these signs shall follow them that believe; in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall … [Read more…]

A Higher Purpose

A Texan was looking out, admiring the beauty of Niagara Falls, when a New Yorker standing by him  sarcastically said: “I bet you don’t have anything like this in Texas.”  “No,” said the Texan, “but we’ve got plumbers who could fix it!”  Well, a Texan-size feat was recently done at Niagara when  a man walked … [Read more…]