Plain Old Vanilla?

PLAIN OLD VANILLA? A man approached an ice cream van and requested, “I’d like two scoops of chocolate, please.”  The girl behind the counter replied, “I’m very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn’t come in this morning and as a result we are all out of chocolate.”  “In that case,” the man continued, “I’ll have … [Read more…]

A Dickens of a Tale

A lady writes, “My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table.  There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went … [Read more…]

Blowing Smoke

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday morning sermon.  So at the beginning of the message he placed four worms in four jars: the first containing alcoholic wine, the second cigarette smoke, the third chocolate syrup, and the fourth good soil.  At the conclusion of the message he reported … [Read more…]

Germany’s Greater Grief

2 of 721 to me GERMANY’S GREATER GRIEF A fella walked into an eatery looking for a buddy with whom he was going to have some lunch.  As he passed by a table where two pretty young ladies were sitting, he noticed they were checking him out and heard ‘nine’.  With great pride he told … [Read more…]

The Boy Who Didn’t Come Back from Heaven

A young man was playing baseball when he got hit in the head with the ball and dropped to the ground.  He lay there unconscious.  They tried to revive him and thought he was dead.  Being a small town (and having only one mortician who was away until the next day) they took him to … [Read more…]

Breast Is Best

A proud Jewish mother was pushing her two young children down the sidewalk in a double stroller.  Along the way she met a friend who commented on how the woman’s kids were really growing.  The lady then asked how old they were and the mom replied, “The doctor is three and the lawyer is two.” … [Read more…]

Thinking Inside the Box

Someone has well said – “It  happens, even in the best of families, a baby is conceived (but this should not be a cause of alarm). The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money.”  However, with the rise of the new morality and the resulting increase of out-of-wedlock births, … [Read more…]

Christian School Convention

Our five older church school students (Kaitlyn, Emma, Leann, Nichola, Jodie) competed in the following categories for a bronze, silver, or gold ranking: Essay Writing … Group Scripture  … Math…Sketching … Photography … Poetry Writing…Spelling … Short Story Writing … Watercolour The results were as follows: Kaitlyn – Bronze (Group Scripture) … Silver (Watercolour) … … [Read more…]

Fighting the Good Fight

In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy enters a room and demands that Linus, who is her brother, change the channel on the television set.  Linus refuses, telling his sister, “What makes you think you can just come waltzing in here and take over?  Lucy replies, “See these five fingers. Individually they are not much, but when … [Read more…]

It’s a Girl!

Congratulations to Aaron and Lori on the birth of their fourth child, a baby girl.  Sadie Louise Borrmann was born on Friday, March 6, 2015, at 12:44 a.m.  She weighed in at 8 lbs./13 oz.

How About Them Apples

Someone has well said, “Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t the apple on the tree that got us kicked out of  the Garden of Eden, it was the pair on the ground.” When Adam and Eve got booted out of  paradise, it not only changed them for the worse, it also did the  same to … [Read more…]

New and Improved

A boy entered a grocery store and asked the grocer for some Tide. The merchant was puzzled and asked the kid why he wanted a box of detergent. The child replied he was going to wash his cat. The man said, “Young man, you shouldn’t wash a cat with this kind of soap.”  The boy … [Read more…]

Love is Anything But Grey

A young man goes into a drug store to buy three boxes of chocolate. The pharmacist asks, “What size do you want – small medium or large?”  The youth replies, “Well, here’s how it is.  I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really pretty.  I want the chocolate because I think tonight … [Read more…]

O Come, All Ye Faithful Taxpayers

One Sunday morning in church an usher dropped the collection plate and the offering flew everywhere – coins rolling on the floor and bills floating through the air. The congregation couldn’t help but laugh, so the usher felt he needed to give an explanation: “I couldn’t help but drop the plate.  I was just too … [Read more…]

No Yolking!

Yes, Scientists Have Cracked The Mystery Of How To Unboil An Egg Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. couldn’t put Humpty back together again. That is, until now!  It is something that scientists have been working on for years … [Read more…]

Holy Irony

World’s Largest Bible Publisher A Japanese tourist in New York City was taking an American-made taxi cab from the downtown out to the airport.  On the way, a car zoomed by the taxi and the Japanese tourist said, “Ah, Toyota, made in Japan, very fast.”  The cabbie said nothing.  Another car zoomed by and the … [Read more…]

Are Pictures of Jesus Wrong?

he Charlie Hebdo Massacre A kindergarten teacher was observing her class of children while they drew pictures. Occasionally, she would walk around the room to see each child’s work. “What are you drawing?” she asked one little girl who was laboring diligently at her desk.  The child replied, “I’m drawing God.”  The teacher paused and … [Read more…]

Calculating Cancer – What’s Luck Got to do with It?

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s. After his checkup, the physician called the wife into the office alone and told her – “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.  If you don’t do the following, he will surely die – make all of his meals from scratch, … [Read more…]

Why the Crackdown on Churches in China?

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?”  “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”  When the oriental waiter came by, Al inquired of him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”  “I don’t know sir, let me check,” the waiter said, and … [Read more…]

Vertical Farming

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.  The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace … [Read more…]

The Day Santa was Naughty and Not Nice

Someone has said that there are four stages to a man’s life: one (you believe in Santa Claus), two (you don’t believe in Santa Claus), three (you are Santa Claus), and four (you look like Santa Claus). Let me tell you about the man we call Santa Claus.  St. Nick was born in the year … [Read more…]

A Diamond Not in the Rough

A woman entered a jewelry store and immediately voiced her complaint.  “Yesterday, you sold my husband a diamond ring, but it’s the wrong size.”  “No problem, madam,” replied the jeweler, “We can easily adjust the finger size.”  “You don’t understand,” said the wife, “You sold him a one-carat diamond and my finger takes a five-carat … [Read more…]

Going Against the Grain

An old Jewish man goes to a diner every day for lunch. He always orders the soup du jour. One day the manager asks him how he liked his meal.  The old man replies, “Wass goot, but you could give a little more bread.”  So the next day the manager tells the waitress to give … [Read more…]

Potluck Pandemonium

Tragedy struck the Baptist church on Sunday when every covered dish at the church’s annual Christmas potluck was a green bean casserole.  Stunned onlookers watched in horror as family after family arrived with the same popular dish in tow.  By the time grace was said there were over twenty-five green bean casseroles lining the buffet … [Read more…]

Is the Pope Catholic?

On the first Friday of Lent, Fred was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during Lent.  On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just had to be … [Read more…]

Nothing to Sneeze At

Once when Red Skelton was being interviewed, he was asked if there was ever a time when he was at a loss for words.  The great comedian hesitated for a moment and then said, “Yes, I dreamed one night that I died and went to heaven and just as I was being taken before God, … [Read more…]

The Man with Forty Wives

THE MAN WITH FORTY WIVES A Mormon once pushed the American humourist, Mark Twain, into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After a long and tedious exposition justifying the practice, the cultist then demanded that Twain cite any biblical passage expressly forbidding polygamy.  “Easy,” Twain replied, “Luke 16:16 – No man can serve two … [Read more…]

King James for Kids

A parishioner went to her pastor complaining about Bible reading.  She said all was fine until she came up to the part that contained the genealogy list.  Her question was, ”Would it be alright to just skip those chapters?”  The minister replied, “I wouldn’t, for there is a great lesson to be learned from reading … [Read more…]

Flagging this Movement

On little Johnny’s first day of school, the class was to put their right hands over their hearts and recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the grand old flag.  The teacher watched the children closely as she started in, “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to…”  Then she … [Read more…]

Running Towards the Plague

Before I heard the doctors tell the dangers of a kiss, I had considered kissing you the nearest thing to bliss. But now I know biology and sit and sigh and moan; Six million mad bacteria, and I thot we were alone. Well, as we’re learning with Ebola, we are not alone on this planet; … [Read more…]

National Squirrel Appreciation Day

A minister visited a lady in a retirement home and as she lay in bed he spoke with her.  Now beside was a dish full of nuts.  The pastor ate one, then another, until before he knew it, looking down, they were all gone. “I am so sorry,” he confessed, “I ate all the nuts … [Read more…]

Thanks-Living

An American was being interviewed by an Englishman on BBC radio.  It was in the autumn of the year and the Yank asked the Brit if the English had a Thanksgiving Day like as the Americans.  The interviewer replied that they did, however, theirs was not in November, but a few months earlier in September.  … [Read more…]

Paying the Tab

PAYING THE TAB A $20 bill and a $1 bill were telling one another about their travels.  The $20 bill said he had just been on a whirlwind trip to – gambling casinos, fancy restaurants, sporting events, etc.; buying the beer and wine,  it was all quite exhilarating.  The $1 bill replied that his life … [Read more…]

And God Created Caffeine

AND GOD CREATED CAFFEINE Mama Bear tossed and turned, but could not fall asleep.  When her restlessness kept awaking Papa Bear, he finally cried out in exasperation; “How many times do I have to tell you, no coffee after September!”  Well today, it’s not bears and caffeine, but bees and caffeine I want to talk … [Read more…]

Steve Jobs, A Low-tech Parent

Bill Gates is walking along the ocean shore when he discovers a bottle in the sand.  He pulls out the cork and a genie appears. The genie says, “I have been trapped inside this container for over one-hundred years.  As a reward for releasing me, you can make one wish.”  The founder of Microsoft thinks … [Read more…]

Stem Cells

STEM CELLS One woman writes, “I was in my ninth month of pregnancy feeling very uncomfortable. And on top of all of this, my pleas for sympathy from my husband seemed to be going unnoticed. So one day I said to him, ‘I hope in your next life you get to be pregnant!’ – which … [Read more…]

Jostling Jihadists

A Jewish man was riding on the subway, reading an Arab newspaper.  A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon.  Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.  “Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?”   Moshe replied, “I used to … [Read more…]

Cookie Monsters

Children lined up in the cafeteria of a religious school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The teacher made a note: “Take only one, God is watching.” At the other end of the table was a large heap of chocolate chip cookies for which a boy had … [Read more…]

Who’s Laughing Now?

When the 1960s ended, San Francisco’s famed hippie district, Haight-Ashbury, reverted to a high rent area; so many of the flower-children generation moved down the coast to Santa Cruz. There they got married and had children (though not always in that particular order).  However, these parents didn’t give their offspring traditional names like John or … [Read more…]

Crop Circles

In 1978, Doug Bower was sitting in a pub in England with his drinking buddy, Dave Chorley, and they got to talking about UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects).  On the way home both thought – wouldn’t it be great to create a (flying-saucer/circle-like) indentation in a crop field to see what kind of reaction it would … [Read more…]

Look Who’s On the Jew’s Side

A rabbi put an advertisement in the classified section of the Sunday newspaper offering his services. The next day a Jewish grandmother called asking about his hours and the rabbi replied “24/6…”  Well, today is the day of rest for the believer and so I hesitate to bring up unrest.  But I am asked often … [Read more…]

Fat Heads

A man went to the doctor for his annual check-up.  After doing the usual battery of tests, the physician asked him about his daily diet.  The fella responded as follows: “For breakfast I usually have things like eggs, bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, toast, butter, and some coffee.  For morning break, I have two to three … [Read more…]

Our Shrinking Sun

A Russian, an American, and a woman of undetermined hair colour were talking. The Russian said, “We were first in space!”  The American said, “We were first on the moon!”  The woman said, “So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!”  The Russian and the American looked at each other, shaking their … [Read more…]

The Bad News for the Good News

After the baptism of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the family car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “The minister said he wanted all of us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to … [Read more…]

Economics 101

The story is told of three guys out fishing on a lake when all of sudden Jesus appeared, – first walking on the water and then joining them in the boat. After the three astonished men had finally settled down long enough to speak, the first fella humbly asked, “Lord, I’ve suffered from back pain … [Read more…]

No Kidding

A family took their eight-year-old son to a fancy restaurant for his birthday.  When it came time to order, the boy said he wanted a grilled-cheese sandwich.  The waitress replied that grilled-cheese was not on the menu.  The boy said, “You have bread, don’t you?  You have cheese, don’t you?  You have butter, don’t you?”  … [Read more…]

Congratulations! It’s A Girl!

We welcome the newest member, Ella Madelyn Reid (8 lbs, 3 oz./19 ½’‘ long).  She was born this past Tuesday (June 24 at 5:00 a.m.).  She is the second child for Josh and Rebekah and a sibling for her big brother, Fraser.  Congratulations to all.

Still Waters Run Deep

And the Lord spoke to Noah: “In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet.  So I am ordering you … [Read more…]

School News

This past Tuesday evening, the four upper-grade young ladies cooked a delicious meal for both their parents and the school teachers.  Dinner invitations were made up and given out, as well as the table being formally set.  The menu was – garden salad, biscuits and butter, iced tea, potato salad, broccoli with cheese, fried chicken … [Read more…]

Laughing Your Way Thru Labour?

A couple go to their first pre-natal class. The husband is told to wear a bag of sand so that he has an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The man stands up and says, “This doesn’t feel so bad.” The instructor then drops a pen and asks him to pick it … [Read more…]

Joel “Ecumenical” Osteen

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of the Lenten season, John was outside barbequing a big juicy sirloin steak on his grill.  Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on for each Friday of Lent. On the … [Read more…]

Raising the Bar

A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.  At the first lawyer’s office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, “Okay, let’s get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think … [Read more…]

Gendercide

During his sermon, a pastor noticed one of the young wives in the congregation, who was quite pregnant, continually rubbing her side.  After the service, he asked her at the door, “Are you okay?  I noticed during my message that you were holding onto your side.”  “Oh, I’m fine,” she answered.  “It was just the … [Read more…]

School News

School Pictures (The photos will be taken in the last chapel) … Church School Ends (The dismissal time for the last day of school will be on the scheduled  Friday at 12:00 noon.  Some of Mrs. Fischer’s students will be coming in on the following Monday at 9:00 a.m. to finish up their exams  …  … [Read more…]

The End of the Ice Age?

A surgeon was relaxing at home one Saturday morning when his wife gave him a list of things to be done at the house.  As he was going over the items, the phone rang. He answered and heard the familiar voice of a colleague, “We need a fourth for golf at the country club,” said … [Read more…]

Israel’s Demographic Time Bomb

One lady writes, “To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test.  Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up.  I didn’t think how it appeared to the clerk when I waddled up, nine months pregnant, to pay for the kit.  ‘Honey, she said, ‘I can … [Read more…]

He’s No Saint

Two brothers were well-known criminals in the city where they lived.  There seemed to be no crime in which the siblings were not involved, whether it was gambling, prostitution, murder, etc. – you name it, they were connected to it.  As time would have it, the older of the two brothers died. While trying to … [Read more…]

Track & Field Results

KINDERGARTEN – Will Dickert – 1st – Spoon; 1st – Running Backwards; 2nd – Bean Bag Throw; 1st – Frog Race; 1st – Frisbee Toss; 1st – Boy’s Relay; 2nd – Pony Races … Ethan Borrmann – 2nd – Pony Races GRADE 1/2 GIRLS – Megan Geertsma – 3rd – Kick Ball; 1st – Soccer … [Read more…]

Holocaust Two

Canada is one of only four nations in the entire world (China, Cuba, North Korea) that has absolutely no abortion law whatsoever.  Here’s a brief history.  In 1892, the Canadian federal government passed a law prohibiting abortion, placing it under the criminal code.  In 1969, Canadian Prime Minister, Pierre Eliot Trudeau, began the first liberalizing … [Read more…]

Bad Moon Rising

Two fellas, after having had apple cider that had been allowed to sit a little too long, were walking back home. One said, “What a beautiful night. Just look at that moon.” The other countered, “That’s not the moon. That’s the sun.” So began a spirited (pardon the pun) debate with neither fella giving in. … [Read more…]

How to Date Jesus’ Wife

“Scientists Say Jesus Had A Wife” – this is the headline gone around the world.  And where did it come from?  (In 2012, Harvard Divinity School’s Karen King, unveiled a papyrus fragment she called, The Gospel Of Jesus’ Wife.  The 1″ by 3″ piece of parchment contains only these words, Jesus said to them, My … [Read more…]

Firestorm at Firefox

“I believe in same-sex marriage, the same sex with the same woman.” Brendan Eich is one of the pioneers of the internet system, having invented both Java Script for Netscape and Firefox for Mozilla. Thus it seemed only natural that when Mozilla needed a new CEO, Brendan was their man.  So the company issued a … [Read more…]

The “Fools” of April Fool’s Day

n the southern United States, an atheist brought a case  against the Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring the discrimination suit regarding  Christians, Jews, and their observances of these two religious holidays. The legal complaint?  It was unfair that atheists had no such recognized day(s) of their own. The matter … [Read more…]

Women and Children First?

On A Sinking Ship – It’s Every Man For Himself Back in the days of the steam ship, only rich white folk could afford to cruise the high seas.  On one such trip, their boat struck a rock and began to sink resulting in all of the passengers fearing for their lives.  A number thought … [Read more…]

Sexual Abuse – It’s not just the Catholics

“Any Form Of Sexual Contact Without Both Being Legally Able To And Voluntarily Consenting To.” This past week, three conservative ministries are in the news, and all for the wrong reason. Each one (a big fundamental university, a top Bible college, and a well-known curriculum provider) is dealing with a sexual abuse and/or sexual harassment … [Read more…]

A Baptist Leads Ukraine

He’ll Need The Wisdom Of Solomon Former United States President, Ronald Reagan, tells the following story from his first meeting with then Soviet Union Premier, Mikhail Gorbachev: I said, “Mr. Premier, in America, anyone can, without fear of harm, come into the White House, pound on the desk, and say – I disagree with the … [Read more…]

Congratulations!

New Baby – On Saturday, February 22, 2014, at 6:20 a.m., Brodie and Susana Noble welcomed into the world their first child  – John Isaac.  The newborn weighed in at 7 lb. and 8 oz.  The birth took place in Goderich.  There are currently seven boys (no girls) in the nursery, with five of them … [Read more…]

Getting Over the Hump

Do Camels Disprove The Bible? A team of small animals and a team of large animals decided to play football one against the other.  During the first half of the game, the large animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the small animals came out on top. … [Read more…]

GAS Wars – Russia vs. Israel

Two natural gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window, watched the two men as … [Read more…]

The Search for Perfect Pastor

Adam – A good man but wife problems.  And rumors that the two of them enjoy walking unclad in the woods. Noah – He has 120 years preaching experience, but not one convert.  Also he’s prone to unrealistic building projects.  And his kids have seen him drunk and naked. Methuselah – Too old . . … [Read more…]

Thinking Outside the Box

Israeli Invents Cardboard Bicycle 1816 is known  historically as, “The Year Without A Summer.”  In Indonesia, the largest volcanic eruptions ever recorded occurred, with atmospheric ashes spreading over the Northern Hemispheres of Europe and America.  This resulted in the blockage of the sun’s rays and caused a summer of falling snow and iced lakes.  For … [Read more…]

Haprer and Israel – Best Friends Forever

An Arab required a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type just in case the need arose.  Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally, a Jew was located who … [Read more…]

God’s Pharmacy

A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. “Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,” the doctor of medicine says. “Don’t worry,” replies the senior. “It takes me four hours each time to get the lid off!” God’s pharmacy does not consist of … [Read more…]

Not So Fast

A young fella saw an elderly couple sitting down to eat lunch at a fast food place. He particularly noticed that they had ordered just one meal. As the youth watched, the man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him and one for her, until each had the … [Read more…]

Putting Global Warming on Ice

One lady writes, My husband and I purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.  But my husband confidently declared, “If they could live here all those years, so can we!”  But one November night the … [Read more…]

Under the Mistletoe

One man writes: It was slightly after Thanksgiving and the visit had gone well.  I was now ready to go back home. The airport had turned a tacky red and green with loudspeakers blaring annoying elevator renditions of carols. As someone who takes Christmas  seriously and, being  tired, I was not in a particularly good … [Read more…]

Give Me Oil in My Lamp

Here’s my solution for global warming – we can all lower the temperature just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius! For the past twenty-five years, when it came to the energy question, the answer was almost universal –  fossil fuels (oil/gas) are the capitalistic villains who will doom us all and green energies (wind/solar) are … [Read more…]

‘Tis the Season for Sneezing

“If you go to a doctor to treat your cold, it will go away in fourteen days; but, if you stay at  home and treat it yourself, it will go away in two weeks.” Well, when it comes to the cold-and-flu season, winter has nothing to do with it and winter has everything to do … [Read more…]

Income Inequality

One fella writes, “I told my boss that three companies were after me and I needed a raise if he wanted me to stay.  He asked what three companies and so I told him – the gas, electric, and cable company.” Well, there is no question that workers today are really feeling it when it … [Read more…]

Coffee-Ology

A husband and wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.  The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, “No, you are in charge of cooking around here and you … [Read more…]

Big MOUTHS

“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” the man said to the dental receptionist.  “I’m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you.” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “Can you tell me when will he be out again?”Today, we are going to look at teeth, in particular, wisdom … [Read more…]

Hallmark – Wrecking the Halls

The calendar just flipped to November and already Hallmark is having a difficult holiday season. This month Hallmark introduced a new 2013 Christmas ornament shaped like a tacky holiday sweater with a festive message: “Don we now our fun apparel!”  instead of “Don we now our gay apparel!”  The company made the change in order … [Read more…]

The Gospel of Ghoul

A lady writes  – One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as Rocky, with satin shorts, high-top sneakers, boxing gloves, etc.  I gave him some goodies and soon afterwards he returned for more. I asked, “Aren’t you the same Rocky who left my doorstep several minutes ago?” He replied, “Yes, but now I’m … [Read more…]

It’s a Boy!

Congratulations to Tyler and Suzanne Borrmann on the birth of their first child, Luke Tyler.  Born on Saturday, October 19th, weighing 7 lbs.

Flood of Criticism – Coming Noah Movie

The Lord spoke to Noah, “Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. So I want you to build … [Read more…]

MOOD SWING – Moody Bible Institute

Three Christian couples decided to go out for a time of fellowship by having a nice evening meal at a popular local restaurant.  When they arrived at the place, it was full so they were assigned a number, sent to a crowded, noisy room, and told to wait until their number was called.  While there, … [Read more…]

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Israel’s Worst Fear Coming True A rabbi was at odds with his congregation. The president of the synagogue said, “Rabbi, we must have a conference to settle this dispute once and for all.” So the rabbi, the president and the ten elders met together to discuss the issue – but the rabbi soon discovered that … [Read more…]

All the Fat is Not the Lord’s

The devout cowboy lost his Bible while mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Good Book in its mouth. The cow-poke couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He took the book out of the animal’s mouth, raised his eyes towards heaven and exclaimed, “It’s a … [Read more…]

Bibi and the Bible

A young man wanted to be a preacher. He stated that although his reading and writing were not the best, he knew the Good Book from cover to cover.  The fella was asked to demonstrate his knowledge of the Scriptures and he chose the Parable of the Good Samaritan: Once there was a man traveling … [Read more…]

The Cold, Hard Fact

A tourist was driving through Texas and stopped at a gas station.  He observed a small piece of rope hanging down with a sign above it, “Weather Forecaster.”  The man inquired of an old-timer, “How does this thing work,” The fella replied, “When it swings, it’s windy. When it’s wet, it means rain.  When it’s … [Read more…]

Arsenic and Old Rice?

Arsenic And Old Lace is a comedic story about two elderly ladies named Abby and Martha who run a boarding house.  The old spinsters, feeling sorry for their equally old bachelor tenants, decide to put the fellas out of their misery by slowly but surely poisoning them.  So they keep adding arsenic to the elderberry … [Read more…]

Church in the “Spots” Light

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.  They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the … [Read more…]

The Dark Side of Martin Luther King

A man who loved books met a friend who had just thrown away a Bible that had been stored in the attic of his home for generations.  “I couldn’t read it,” the friend explained. “Somebody named Guten-something had printed it.”  Not Gutenberg!” the book lover exclaimed in horror. “That Bible was one of the first … [Read more…]

Grapes of Wrath

A pastor decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his sermon.  So four worms were placed in four jars. The first worm in a container of alcohol. The second worm in a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm in a container of chocolate syrup. And the fourth worm in a container of … [Read more…]

When Kids Leave You Speechless

It was Mark Twain who said, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in just seven short years!” But what do you … [Read more…]

Is There Something Corny About the King James Version?

A woman of unidentified hair colour called her husband at work and said, “Can you help me when you get home?” “Sure,” he replied, “What’s the problem?”  She then told him, “Well, I started a really hard jigsaw puzzle and I can’t even find the edge pieces.”  “Look on the box,” he advised.  “There’s always … [Read more…]

Whose Bright Idea was This?

There’s an old story of a man  who was out walking late at night and saw an individual searching for something near a lamp post. Approaching, he asked the person what they were looking for.  The guy, without raising his head, replied, “My watch”. The man asked, “Well, precisely where were you standing when you … [Read more…]

Type-In’s

A mother and her children were at home, up in their attic, doing some cleaning.  While they were there, the kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked, “Hey Mom, what’s this?”  “Oh, that’s a typewriter,”she replied, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.  “Well what does it do?” they inquired.  “I’ll show you,” she said, … [Read more…]

Has the Cure for Cancer been Found?

Back in 2005, when we first met with the oncologist to go over cancer treatment options for my wife, I mentioned to him a  comment I had recently heard that was made by some medical researchers.  They said, “We are turning the corner on a cure for cancer.”   I asked if he agreed and the … [Read more…]

Sunday School – Films

We will be showing two films in Sunday School over the four Lord’s Days in August.  Both productions are about children who were responsible for two of the great hymns of the church: When The Roll Is Called Up Yonder and The Love Of God.     Bessie – Bessie is the dramatic story of the … [Read more…]

Are You the Average Canadian?

Q & A – When it comes to the typical Canadian, are you above or below average? If you are above, put an (A).  If below, put a (B). Then total the (A)s and (B)s to see. __Average Female Height (5 Feet, 4 Inches) __Average Female Weight (148 Pounds) __Average Female Life Expectancy (83 Years) … [Read more…]

Nyet to Same-Sex

The last line of the old Flintstones cartoon theme song says, “…we’ll have a gay old time.”  And increasingly that is the way things are trending in this world for homosexual activists with America being now the latest nation to get on board the same-sex marriage train.  Note – There are presently fifteen countries that … [Read more…]

Upcoming Events

July 14, 2013 SUNDAY SERVICES Adult Class (10:00) – Pastor Gary Morning Service (11:00) – Pastor Gary Evening Service (7:00) – Pastor Gary* PROPHETESSES Prophets, Then And Now *Synopsis – There are ten women in the Bible who are expressly called prophetesses and carried on the office of the prophet.  They are: Miriam, Deborah, Huldah, … [Read more…]

Has Anyone Seen the Baby?

Johnny had just received his brand new driver’s license.  The family goes out to the driveway and climbs into the car where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad heads for the rear seat directly behind the new driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change … [Read more…]

Canada VS. America

99 Reasons Why It’s Better To Be A Canadian In heaven, God was talking to an angel about a beautiful country he was creating –  “It will have lakes, mountains, and trees covering the land.  The air will be crisp and fresh, the water will always be clean, and the people will be the most … [Read more…]

Five Reasons the World Needs Duck Dynasty

Let me say it loud and clear: the world needs Duck Dynasty.  It may very well be the most important program on television today.  I know to some the popular series seems like nothing more than a silly reality show – thirty minutes of bearded-men making duck calls, drinking sweet tea, hunting and blowing stuff … [Read more…]

A Beauty Pageant First

The 2013 Miss World beauty pageant will not be featuring one of the main staples of other similar events – that of the swimsuit competition.  As young women from 137 nations gather in Jakarta, skimpy bikinis will be replaced by modest sarongs.  This is due to the fact that Indonesia is the world’s most populous … [Read more…]

Thinking Outside the Box

An African  man, who makes caskets, was on the way to deliver one when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began walking to his destination.  Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off the fella (a bribe), so they challenged him: … [Read more…]

Engaged!

Congratulations to Jason Borrmann (and Mandi) on the announcement of their engagement.  The wedding will be on May 31, 2014, in North Carolina.

It’s a boy!

Congratulations to Josh and Rebekah on the birth of their first child, a little boy.  Fraser William was born in Listowel on Tuesday, May 28, at 3:15 a.m.  He weighed 7 lbs. and 10 oz.  This is the fourth grandchild for Frank and Suzanne.  BABY SHOWER for FRASER WILLIAM at:  WINGHAM BAPTIST CHURCH on:   JUNE 14, … [Read more…]

Television Viewpoint

A fourth television channel was recently launched in Russia.  A Soviet citizen turned on the first channel and saw President Putin’s speech being broadcast. He turned to the second channel and the same thing. The third channel and President Putin again. Finally he switched to the fourth channel only to find there a KGB officer … [Read more…]

Mother Knows Best

In a valley between two mountains lies a small village.  In this modest village lives a man known throughout the area for his wisdom. He knows when it rains, and thus when the village should plant crops.  He can predict the frost, and thus when crops should be harvested.  He knows how to treat illness … [Read more…]

Graduation!

Jason Borrmann has graduated from West Coast Bible College in Lancaster, CA.  The Borrmanns (Frank, Suzanne, Jason) fly back from California tomorrow and Jason leaves for America on Tuesday,  where he will apprentice in pastoral work for the next nine months.  Jason will be serving in three churches in the southern United States.

It’s A Boy!

 Ryker now has a new brother! Declan Markus Wassink was born on Thursday, May 16, at 4:18 a.m. in Listowel.  The little fella weighed in at 7 lbs., 4oz.  Congratulations to Mark and Vanessa.

2013 Track & Field Results

Wesley Borrmann (Kindergarten) Second – Buddy Race…Frisbee Toss…Pony Race Third – Running Relay Will Dickert (Kindergarten) Second – Bean Bag Throw…Buddy Race                    Frisbee Toss…Pony Race Bella Dickert (Grade 1-2 Girls) First – 50 Metre Race…100 Metre Race Ava Foy (Grade 3-4 Girls) First – Standing Long Jump Second – 50 Metre Race Michael Geertsma … [Read more…]

Hygiene Hypothesis

You’re pushing your baby in a stroller when her pacifier tumbles to the ground.  What do you do?  a) You stick the pacifier in a bag where you keep dirty pacifiers to be boiled in hot water at home later and you pull out a clean one from a separate bag. b) You step into … [Read more…]

Oil & Gas

Moses Gets The Last Laugh J. Paul Getty, the multi-billionaire, was once asked the secret of making a fortune.  He replied, “Rise early, work hard, and strike oil.”  Ever since the Nation of Israel came into being in 1948, there has been an ongoing effort to strike oil in the Promised Land (like that of … [Read more…]

Terrorist Test

Islam And Immigration “While Hindus, Sikhs, Christians, Parsees and Jews, along with several million adherents of an animistic religion, all coexisted in relative harmony, one religion that would not accept compromise stood out from the rest: Islam.” These words were spoken in the year 1913 by the famous Indian pacifist, Mahatma Gandhi.  And there is … [Read more…]

The Picture That Says It All

It is the murder trial that is giving even seasoned crime reporters nightmares.  Abortionist Dr. Kermitt Gosnell runs the Women’s Medical Clinic in the city of Philadelphia. He is charged with multiple counts of killing babies; not inside, but outside the womb.  These are infants who survived his late term abortion procedure and then had … [Read more…]

A Rich Idea

Congratulations to Brady Borrmann on winning the $1,000 prize for first place in the Business Venture Challenge put on by the Centre for Entrepreneurship at Conestoga College.  It was a contest for which student could come up with the best business plan in the Technology, Robotics, and Automation program.  His idea involved an online store … [Read more…]

Pay As You Weigh

Samoa Airline operates out of the South Pacific.  It is a  small airline that has recently made big news because of its new ticket pricing policy known as, paying-by-the-pound.  Here’s how it works.  When you arrive at their air terminal ticket counter there is a weigh scale.  You step on the scale and the price … [Read more…]

Use It or Lose It

Modern Technology And Memory Loss An exhausted businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his favourite chair before he dropped into it. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall, cool drink, and a comforting word.  She said,  “My dear, you look so tired.  You must have had a hard day at … [Read more…]

The Natural Advantage

A young couple, upon learning of their first child being on the way, visited a medical clinic.  After everything checked out, the new parents-to-be inquired as to when they should return.  The doctor replied by taking a very small stamper and imprinting something on the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.  When they arrived home they … [Read more…]

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Christmas Or Easter If you were to ask people what is the most wonderful time of the year, they would say Christmas.  There’s even a holiday song with that title:  “It’s the most wonderful time of the year – with the kids jingle-belling and everyone telling you be of good cheer – it’s the most … [Read more…]

Queen James Version

The Newest Translation Just before the death of the great comedian W. C. Fields, a friend came to visit him in the hospital.  When he got there the friend was surprised to find W. C thumbing through a Bible. When asked what he was doing, Fields replied “I’m looking for loopholes.” Well, for the past … [Read more…]

It’s a Boy!

Hans Paura is the newest name on the church nursery roll.  John and Olga Paura’s  little boy was born on Saturday, March 16, 2013, in Goderich.  Hans is German for John.  He weighed in at 7 lbs and 7 oz.  A baby shower is being planned for sometime in April.

Pope Francis – A First for Rome

A couple of Baptist deacons walked into a Holiday Inn for supper when they noticed a meeting room full of Catholic monks.  The brothers were there for a religious seminar.  The two Baptists thought, “Why not take advantage of the moment and get a little education about the various orders?”  So the deacons entered the … [Read more…]

Teen Camping Trip

Tues/July 2 – Fri/July 5 Bon Echo Provincial Park $25.00 Per Camper Park – Long a favourite destination for painters and photographers, this park north of Napanee is renowned for Mazinaw Rock. This 1.5 kilometre sheer rock face rises 100 metres above Mazinaw Lake, one of the deepest lakes in Ontario, and features over 260 … [Read more…]

The Real Curse of the Mummies?

The modern curse of the mummies began with an event that occurred after the discovery of King Tut’s tomb.  Legend had it that anyone who dared to open the tomb of a mummy would suffer the wrath of that mummy.  This was hyped when Lord Carnarvon, the person who funded the dig of King Tut’s … [Read more…]

Oil and Nuts

“What do you call someone who has abandoned their diet?  A desserter!” Diet is once again in the news.  In particular, what is called the Mediterranean Diet.  The Mediterranean Diet is the daily meal intake of those nations found around  the Mediterranean Sea (Algeria, Cyprus, Egypt, France, Greece, Israel, Italy, Lebanon, Libya, Malta, Monaco, Morocco, … [Read more…]

G. I. Janes

One female comedian writes, “We now have women in the military, but the army won’t put them on the front lines. And the reason?  They don’t know if they can fight and kill.  I say yes they can and here’s all that has to be done to prove my point.  Have a general walk over … [Read more…]

The Tale of Two Tommys

Thomas Mulcair is the current leader of the federal New Democratic Party.  Tommy Douglas was the first leader of the New Democratic Party.  Thomas Mulcair is the eighth leader of the NDP.  Tommy Douglas was the founder of the NDP.  Thomas Mulcair is a Quebec lawyer.  Tommy Douglas was a Baptist minister.  Thomas Mulcair is … [Read more…]

Bieber & Beethoven

A professor in a world-class school of medicine once posed this medical and ethical situation to their young doctors in training.  “Here’s the family history.  The father has syphilis.  The mother has tuberculosis.  They already have had four children.  The first is blind.  The second is dead.  The third is deaf. The fourth has tuberculosis.  … [Read more…]

God Made a Farmer

And on the 8th day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need a caretaker!”.  So, God made a farmer! God said I need somebody to get up before dawn and milk cows and work all day in the fields, milk cows again, eat supper and then go to town and stay … [Read more…]

Gay Days

Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; but the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all.  Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son … [Read more…]

Idle, No More – The Indian Protest

Tonto was asked by the Lone Ranger what his wife’s name was.  The native replied, ‘Three Horse”.  “Three Horse?  That’s an unusual name.  What does it mean?”  And the old Indian said, “Nag, Nag, Nag!” (Sorry ladies)  But the truth be known, that’s not my joke.  It’s from Clarence Louie, Chief of the Osoyoos Indian … [Read more…]

A Lost Voyageur, A Found Loonie

A Robert Ralph Carmichael painting can cost in the neighbourhood of $15,000.  But, for a buck you can get  his most widely produced piece of art.  Fish around in your pocket; when you find a loonie, squint, and you’ll see the initials RRC under the tip of the beak.  That’s Carmichael.  But his now iconic … [Read more…]

Lighter Than You Think

LIGHTER THAN YOU THINK A couple had been fighting for weeks over the purchase of an automobile. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast sports car that she could dart in and out of traffic when going shopping. The discussion was getting quite heated when finally the wife stated, “Look, I want something … [Read more…]

Have Gun, Will Shoot

Twenty-four year old Danny Simpson was sentenced to six years in jail for robbing a bank of $6,000.  But the gun he used in the crime ended up in a museum.  It turned out to be a 1918  antique worth over $100,000. If Danny had known what he had in his hands, he never would … [Read more…]

All I Want for Christmas Is a…

The gift children most wanted for Christmas this year may surprise you.  It wasn’t the latest electronic gadget or top-rated toy.  For children between the ages of three and twelve it was a baby brother or sister that topped  their list.  This according to what 2,000 children spoke into the ears of Santa Claus(es) in … [Read more…]

Too Pretty to Work Here

TOO PRETTY TO WORK HERE A man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much to pull a tooth.  “$100,” the dentist says.  “That’s ridiculous,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if I don’t use my assistant, I can knock the price down to $75.”  “Nope,” complains the … [Read more…]

Saviour or Savior?

Two men met on an air plane and one man asked the other about his religious faith… “Are you a Christian?”  “Yes.” “Protestant or Baptist?”  “Baptist.” “Evangelical or fundamental?”  “Fundamental.” “Fellowship or independent?”  “Independent.” “Local Church or invisible church?”  “Local.” “Sprinkling or immersion?”  “Immerse.” “Church Membership or adherent?  “Member.” “Hymns or choruses?”  “Hymns.” “Men pastors … [Read more…]

Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.  “What’s wrong Molly?” she asked.  Molly told her that she had morning sickness. Surprised, Sarah said, “Hurray!  I didn’t even know you were … [Read more…]

Oil to Burn

Late night comedian Jay Leno said the following in one of his monologues on the high price of gas: “There was a sign at the gas station near my house that said, ‘We take Visa, Master Card, Discover Card, and American Express.’ And sure enough, after I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, … [Read more…]

Sitting, The New Smoking

A young woman (of unidentified hair colour) is terribly overweight.  She goes to her doctor who puts her on a strict diet. “For the next two weeks, I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost  five pounds.”  When the woman returns … [Read more…]

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Poison Dart Frogs The family of poison dart frogs boasts over 245 species, displaying an astonishing array of colours and potency.  Their brilliant shades and patterns range from strawberry red, canary yellow, sunny orange, metallic green, even to black with yellow polka-dots.  When eaten, some merely taste bitter or irritate the predator’s mouth with slight … [Read more…]

It’s OK, to Wish Me A Merry Christmas

On a weekday in a December, Mrs. Ashley Tarter of Williamsburg, West Virginia, was out doing her gift-buying for  family members.  As Ashley went from store to store, she began to notice something similar happening after each purchase –  none of the cashiers were wishing her a Merry Christmas.  Oh they said, Happy Holidays or … [Read more…]

Conceived in Rape Tour

Untold Stories And Unknown Facts Whether one is pro-abortion or anti-abortion, both sides have traditionally agreed on it being morally and legally acceptable to terminate a pregnancy if it was caused by rape or if it puts the life of the mother in danger.  Concerning the latter, it was former U.S. Surgeon General under President … [Read more…]

Centenarians

Ten Signs You’ll Live To Be 100 One fella writes, “When my grandmother was in her late nineties, she decided to move to Israel and as part of her preparations, she went to see her doctor to get all her charts. The physician asked her how she was doing, so she gave him her litany … [Read more…]

Living Large

World’s Most Obese People When it comes to global obesity there is one constant – the more money a nation has the more weight its people gain.  And there is no place on earth where this is more true than in the Persian Gulf.  The world’s dependence on foreign oil and resulting cash influx have … [Read more…]

Nowhere But Up – Justin Bieber’s Mom

Patricia “Pattie” Mallette was born on April 2, 1975, in Stratford Ontario.  She was the daughter of a French Canadian couple who had recently moved to southern Ontario from the northern province town of Timmons.   Pattie’s father was an alcoholic who physically abused his wife while she was carrying Pattie. Shortly after the little girl’s … [Read more…]

Paying the Price

Price-Tag Attacks A Jew and a Christian were arguing about the ways of their religion. The Jewish man said, “You people have been taking things from us for thousands of years; the Ten Commandments, for instance.” The Christian replied, “Well, it’s true that we took the Ten Commandments from you, but you can’t actually say … [Read more…]

Clash of the Clippers!

Amish Beard Cutters Sitting on the back of a horse-drawn hay-cart on his dairy farm in the rolling rural heartland of Amish country, Andy Hershberger gripped his foot-long beard as he replayed the struggle with assailants wielding hair-clippers.  “They were holding me down and had already got a chunk of the hair from my head,” … [Read more…]

News & Upcoming Events

SUNDAY SCHOOL FILM SPECIAL October 14, 21, 28 TIME CHANGER The year is 1890 and Bible professor Russell Carlisle has written a new manuscript entitled, “The Changing Times.”  His book is about to receive a unanimous endorsement from the board members of Grace Bible Seminary until his colleague Dr. Norris Anderson raises an objection.  Dr. … [Read more…]

The Long and Short of It All

An archaeologist was digging in the desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy.  After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious  museum. “I’ve just discovered the 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.  The curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check … [Read more…]

News

Congratulations to Brady Borrmann for making the academic dean’s list with honours at Conestoga College in Cambridge.  Ashley Borrmann has now graduated from the business administration program at Fanshawe College in London. Leta Stirling will be going to Benin, Africa, in early January for a month-long visit with her daughter, Miriam. Pastor Gary has been … [Read more…]

The Students Who Run the World

What do so many politicians (such as Winston Churchill, Prime Minister), entrepenuers (such as Richard Branson, Virgin Airlines), investors (such as Warren Buffett, Stock Market) inventors (such as Steve Jobs, Apple Computers), and businessmen (such as Ron Joyce, Tim Hortons) have in common?  They were all “C” students in school.  None were ever voted by … [Read more…]

News

Missions – Susie White informs us of a successful short-term missions trip to Guatamalea.  She was in the Central American country for nine days as part of an outreach team of seven.  Susie lodged primarily at the mission’s house.  Her time was spent at a school helping in fixing up the facility and intermingling with … [Read more…]

Two Moms, Two Dads, Too Sad

This coming Tuesday evening, NBC in America and CTV in Canada will premier a television program called, The New Normal.  The synopsis is as follows: These days families come in all forms, including – single dads, single moms, double dads, double moms, etc.  It’s 2012 and anything goes! Bryan and David  are a Los Angeles … [Read more…]

Fighting Over the Farm

The old North American farm is experiencing a revival – yuppies swapping the comforts of city life for overalls and buckets of manure, municipal bylaw officials  debating the merits of backyard chicken coops, the explosion of farmer’s markets, community gardens, high-end restaurants specializing in local food, and home-delivery services of fresh produce from nearby farms.  … [Read more…]

What Stay-At-Home Moms are Worth

An accountant’s wife went away for the weekend to visit her sister, who had just had her first baby  That left the accountant in charge, for the first time, of his own three toddlers, al under age five.  When the accountant’s wife returned, he filed the following report with her:                 Number of diapers changed … [Read more…]

The Day the Music Died (And a Soul Survived)

The Day The Music Died is the subtitle of songwriter (Don McLean’s) infamous song, American Pie, which recounts an aviation tragedy that occurred on February 3, 1959, in a farm field near Clear Lake, Iowa.  It was there that three popular rock-and-roll singers (Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, J. P. “The Big Bopper” Richardson) and the … [Read more…]

A Fundamental Flaw

The First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana, is the biggest fundamental work on earth.  To those in old-time fundamentalism, it is the citadel of the movement.  This is mainly due to the fact that under  the leadership of Dr. Jack Hyles, the ministry became the world’s largest Sunday School.  Thus it was with great sadness … [Read more…]

Out With the Bad, In With the Worse

s he was making his way back to the hotel, he felt a gun in his back. “What’s your religion?” a man growled.  The Yankee had no real religion but he knew if he said he was Catholic and this guy was Protestant he’d kill him or if he said he was Protestant and the … [Read more…]

Canadians Are Richer Than They Think

It is said that on the sixth day of creation, God turned to the archangel Gabriel and stated, “Today, I am going to create a land called Canada.  It will have tall majestic mountains, rich soiled valleys, lush green forests, beautiful sparking lakes, and white sandy beaches. It will then be full of magnificent wildlife … [Read more…]

Mother Knows Best

Sam invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mom noticed how beautiful Sam’s roommate, Ann, was. She thought there may be more between them then sharing the cost of a place. Afterwards, while watching the two, she grew even more suspicious. Reading his moms thoughts, Sam volunteered, ”I know what you’re thinking, … [Read more…]

Crystal Methamphetamine Capital of Ontario

One of the jobs of those who work as prison guards is to read all the mail that prisoners either send or receive.  This is done for various reasons such as security concerns, evidence gathering, threats of violence, etc.  And one thing noticed over the past few years is the increase of letters with postmarks … [Read more…]

Fire From Heaven?

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas … [Read more…]

Snake Bitten

Mark 16:15-20 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.  He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.  And these signs shall follow them that believe; in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall … [Read more…]

A Higher Purpose

A Texan was looking out, admiring the beauty of Niagara Falls, when a New Yorker standing by him  sarcastically said: “I bet you don’t have anything like this in Texas.”  “No,” said the Texan, “but we’ve got plumbers who could fix it!”  Well, a Texan-size feat was recently done at Niagara when  a man walked … [Read more…]

King James Version

The Book That Changed The World The publication of the King James Bible in 1611 was the landmark event in the English-speaking world.  There is nothing that has influenced the whole history of Great Britain and North America more than the KJV. The year 2011 marks the four hundredth anniversary of the publication of the … [Read more…]