Flood of Criticism – Coming Noah Movie

The Lord spoke to Noah, “Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. So I want you to build an ark.”  Well, six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark. “Noah!” shouted the Lord, “Where is My ark?” “Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best but there were some problems – big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark’s construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system.”  “Then my neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, because it was killing the dandelions  – so I had to get a variance from the city planning board. Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the Fish and Game Commission that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn’t let me catch them, so no owls.”“Next I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal right’s group that objected to my taking along only two of each kind; they wanted me to save them all. Then the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain. So I sent them a globe! The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got notice from the state that I owe some kind of usage tax. Really, I don’t think I can finish the ark in less than five years.”  With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean You are not going to destroy the world?” he asked hopefully. “No,” said the Lord, “I am too late, the government already has.”  The big blockbuster movie from Hollywood for the up-coming holiday season is, Noah.  Costing 150 million dollars to produce, the studio is counting on Christians to flock to the theatres to see it.  But the Noah on the screen is not the Noah in the Scriptures.  Here’s the plot.  The world of Noah’s day is an environmental mess due to mankind’s disrespect of nature.  Noah and his family are, unlike the rest of the entire earth’s population, environmentalists who faithfully practice vegetarianism, recycling, meditation, etc.  Finally God tells Noah in a dream, that He is going to destroy mankind for ruining mother nature.  There will be massive flooding and the Lord will use the effects of global warming – increased amounts of hurricanes and rising ocean levels – to bring it about.  Noah is instructed to go see his grandfather, Methuselah, a hippie-like fella who lives way out in a cave.  The old man informs his grandson that he is to build a wooden ark, for only he and his family of environmentalists will be saved.  Methuselah then gives Noah a magic seed to grow a gigantic tree for wood to be used as lumber (all the other trees in the world have been destroyed by acid rain).  Finally, Noah, his family, and the animals are not the only ones to get on the boat.  An evil capitalist has also snuck aboard with plans to murder the men, impregnate the women and start civilization again with the same evil minions.  But Noah kills him and saves the earth.  When Christian leaders were given a preview of  the film, needless to say, there was a flood of criticism.