In The 27 Deadliest School Shootings In The United States 26 Of The Shooters Were Raised In Homes Without A Father
In the 1800s British navy, young women were allowed on board to accompany sailors on long ocean voyages. Inevitably, these prostitution dalliances resulted in the conception of children. Now at that time, those war vessel sailors were called “guns” and the birth of a male became known as a “son of a gun”. And sadly, these boys were often abandoned by their biological fathers and left for single mothers to raise, with the resulting rise of juvenile delinquents such as portrayed by Charles Dickens in his books like Oliver Twist. And so it continues on today.
In the book, Fatherlessness In America, Dr. David Blankenhorn writes, We are becoming an increasingly fatherless society. A generation ago a child could reasonably expect to grow up with a father. Today, a child can reasonably expect to grow up without a father. Fatherlessness is now approaching fatherhood as a defining feature of childhood. This astonishing fact is reflected in many statistics, but here are the two most important. Tonight, over forty percent of children will go to sleep in homes in which their father does not live. And before they reach the age of eighteen, more than half of our nation’s children will spend a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers. Never before in America have so many children been abandoned by their fathers. Never before have so many children grown up not knowing what it is to have a father.
Fatherlessness is the most harmful social trend of this generation. It is the leading cause of declining child well-being in our society. It is the engine driving our most urgent social problems – from drinking and drugs to crime to teen pregnancy to high school drop-outs to youth suicide to child sexual abuse to domestic violence against women (and now add to the list, the killing of school classmates). Yet despite all of this, fatherlessness is something that is frequently ignored or denied by our social scientists. We spend so much time on other things that need to be done to correct our social ills (from unemployment to community programs to safe neighbourhoods), but nothing is said about the real cause, men who simply will not fulfil their roles as fathers. It’s the elephant in the room everyone refuses to see. Yes, fatherlessness is destructive to both boys and girls, but each gender suffers in different ways. Girls who grow up deprived of their father are more likely to do self-harm and become promiscuous. However, they still have their mothers with whom they clearly identify. (Note, almost all children of divorce grow up with their mothers.) Boys do not have a comparable identification and thus suffer more from their father’s absence. The truth is, children do need a mother most when they are little, but once a boy becomes aware of his male identity, he needs his father as the model for manhood. But when boys don’t have this model, they suffer. And when they suffer, society suffers.
When it comes to school shootings, we blame easy access to guns, violence in the media, killing on video games, plus poor family values. But girls live in the same homes with equal access to the same guns, media and games and are raised with the same family values. However, they’re not doing the killing, boys are. This is because without dads as models, boy’s testosterone isn’t well-channelled – the young man experiences a sense of purposelessness, a lack of boundary enforcement, rudderlessness. At worst, when boys’ testosterone is not well-channelled by an involved dad, they become among the world’s most destructive forces. But when boys’ testosterone is well-channelled by an involved dad, they become among the world’s most constructive forces (example, the males in school shootings who gave up their lives protecting others).
The bottom line? Testosterone’s been around a long time, but school shootings have not. And it’s not the children who have changed, it’s the adults. God’s Word is clear, fathers, bring up your kids. (Eph. 6:4)
Things Fathers Say
● When I was your age.
● A little bit of dirt never hurt anyone.
● Go ask your mother.
● Where you raised in a barn?
● You don’t know what hard work is.
● It builds character.
● Don’t make me stop this car!
● You’re grounded until you are thirty!
● Money doesn’t grow on trees.
● Walk it off.
● Because I said so, that’s way.
● I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my eyes.
● We were grateful to have an orange for Christmas.
● How much?!
● You’re not going out in that.
● Turn that thing down.
● Turn that thing off.
● When I was a kid we had fifteen feet of snow.
● At your age, I was already…
● Life isn’t fair.
● Has anyone seen my glasses?
● If (so and so) told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that?
● When I was your age I had to walk all the way to school, uphill, both ways.
● This spanking is going to hurt me a lot more than it’s going to hurt you.