CORONA VIRUS Summer Swoon?

A young couple were sitting in a swing on a porch at a country home.  The young man noticed a tear coming down the face of the young lady.  He said, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?  No problem.  I’ll just kiss it away.”  This went on for a while until finally he said, “Is there anything I … [Read more…]

WHAT YOUTH FEAR THE MOST

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.   His father said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will … [Read more…]

OUR MANIFEST DESTINY

The Lone Ranger & Tonto are riding down into a box canyon. At the far end, the Lone Ranger notices an army of Comanche Indians, in full war-paint, frowning down from the cliff walls at him.  Turning to his left he notices a great number of very mad looking Arapaho Indians staring down.  On his … [Read more…]

A HERO UNDER THE INFLUENCE

Like everyone else at ground zero, Charlie was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  He’d spent all day in the kitchen, overseeing a crew of thirteen junior bakers, churning out breads, cakes, pies and pastries for a crowd that never seemed to dwindle.  Charlie had always hoped to make a name for himself … [Read more…]

NOT EVERYONE’S WILD ABOUT HARRY Coming To Canada

Note – The above title is based on the famous song from the 1920s Broadway play, Shuffle Along -“I’m just wild about Harry and he’s just wild about me!” A real-estate agent was showing a home to a young couple.  After giving the usual real-estate sales pitch, the agent had a guilty conscience and confessed … [Read more…]

PEW POTATOES Contemporary Christian Music

The Spuds had three daughters, all of whom went away to college. There they met and dated several different people. All three became engaged at the same time, and went home to tell their parents.  The oldest daughter said, “Mom, Dad, I have some good news. I’m getting married!”  The parents asked, “So who is … [Read more…]

CAN THE QUEEN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING?

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self- assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.  The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, … [Read more…]

FAMILY FRICTION

Average Relative Can’t Last Four Hours With Their Family Over The Holidays Guests were coming to a home for the evening.   The lady of the house cleaned all day in preparation for their visit.  And everything went really well: the games, the food, the conversation.  However, there was one problem.  When company exited the … [Read more…]

SMART PHONES A Bad Apple?

In the winter of 1906, Britain’s Punch magazine published a joke about the future of technology.  Under the headline, “Forecast For 1907″ a black-and-white cartoon showed a well-dressed Edwardian couple sitting in a London park.  The man and woman are turned away from each other, an antenna protruding from their hats.  In their laps are … [Read more…]

CHOC IT UP Chocolate & Coughing

A man found a magic lamp on the beach. He rubbed it and out popped a genie, who gave the fella three wishes.  First, he wished for a million dollars, and poof, there was the money. Second, he wished for a convertible and poof, there was the car.  Finally, he wished that  he could be … [Read more…]

CHERRY BOMB Don Cherry

A cherry bomb was a spherical exploding firework that was popular when I was a teenager.  It was so named because it resembled a large cherry in colour and size, with the extended inch-long stem used as the fuse.  Once lit, you had about three seconds before it exploded (with a real bang).  In my … [Read more…]

THE LOST SUPPER

The Most Important Thing You Can Do With Your Kids?  Eat With Them. A little boy had been bad all day.  And so at meal time, instead of sending the child upstairs with no supper, the  father put a card table in the corner of the dining room (for the child to sit at apart … [Read more…]

STAY OUT OF MY KITCHEN!

Divorce Rates Are Far Higher For Modern Couples Who Share The Housework, Than For Those Women Who Do Most Of The Housework One evening a woman arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of laundry in the washer and another load in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the … [Read more…]

THE FASTEST GROWING CHURCH IN THE WORLD

A small town had three churches: Presbyterian, Methodist, and Baptist.  All three had a serious problem with squirrels in their buildings. And each place of worship had its own way of dealing with the problem.  The Presbyterians decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the church and so they would just have to … [Read more…]

TO BEEF OR NOT TO BEEF, THAT IS NOW THE QUESTION

Two cows are sitting at the fence, watching a new, shiny milk truck go driving by.  It says on the side, “Ultra-homogenized, micro-filtered and pasteurized, 98% reduced fat and vitamin D fortified milk.” One cow turns its head  toward the other and sighs, “Kind of makes you feel kind of inadequate, doesn’t it?” Beef is … [Read more…]

BAPTISTS WHO GO WHERE GOD HAS NOT GONE

It was Sunday morning and a mother and her six-year-old daughter were sitting in church.  The mom opened up her Bible and put it on her lap.  The first-grader noticed the book and said to her mother, “Did God really write all that?”  The mom said, “Yes, He did, every word.”  And the little girl … [Read more…]

(UN) REALITY TV

A woman was shopping at Walmart and came to the check-out  to pay for her purchases.  As she opened her purse to get money out, the cashier noticed the lady had the television remote-control inside.  She asked, “Do you always carry around the television remote with you?”  The wife replied, “No, but my husband refused … [Read more…]

FEELING LESS “LEFT” OUT

Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a “Left-Handed Whopper” specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.). However, the left-handed whopper … [Read more…]

ONLY IN QUEBEC At Least So Far

During the Second World War a company of American soldiers was marching through France when a little old lady approached them with a broom over her shoulder. She joined the troops and began to march with them.  The soldiers smiled at the lady and told her to please step aside because she could not do … [Read more…]

HAVE GUN, WILL SHOOT

Danny Simpson, age eighteen, was sentenced to six years in jail for robbing a bank of $6,000.  But the gun he used in the crime ended up in a museum.  It turned out to be a 1918 antique worth over $100,000. If Dan had known what he had in his hands, he never would have … [Read more…]

IN GOD WE TRUSTED?

In the days before credit cards were commonplace in North America, many shopkeepers hesitated to extend credit to customers.  So this sign became very popular: “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash.” Many Canadians do not realize that according to Parliamentary rules, no official business, debate or deliberation (including question period) may begin in … [Read more…]

ADAM’S RIB

After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious of him running around with another woman “What other woman?” Adam said. “You’re the only one here.” That night, as Adam was fast asleep he was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.  “What are you doing?”  “Counting your ribs.” Both men and … [Read more…]

HOME DEPOT BOYCOTT BACKFIRES

A lady writes: My parents, who are real do-it-your-selfers, were sprucing up their basement. They picked out bright orange shag carpeting and then spread it over our lawn in order to measure and cut it. The neighbors watched curiously. After a while, the teenage daughter of one of the neighbors spoke up. “The families have … [Read more…]

GOING BANANAS OVER RADIATION?

Two gas company servicemen: a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking metres in a suburban neighbourhood. They parked their truck at the end of the street and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman watched the two men from her kitchen window as they checked … [Read more…]

DEATH RAYS

An Amish man lived on a quiet, rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic built up. It became so heavy and fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of six a day. So he called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these … [Read more…]

STICKER SHOCK The Price Of Celery

A man went out of his house to pick up the morning newspaper from the lawn and noticed one bunch of celery stalks on his porch.  This went on for a  week.  Finally he called the police, “I think I’m being stalked!”  Today, the last thing people would be doing with celery is giving it … [Read more…]

CODE GIRLS

The Riveting, Untold Story Of The Brave Young American Women Who Cracked Both The German And Japanese Code To Help Win World War II A woman driver was hit from behind by a man driver at a four-way intersection.  As both drivers exited their vehicles, the woman yelled at the man, “Didn’t you see my … [Read more…]

THE CHURCH PEW & THE BED ROOM

One lady writes as follows: “The lingerie store where my aunt works was crowded with shoppers selecting Valentine’s Day gifts. A young businessman came to the register with a lacy black negligee. My aunt noticed that the next customer, an elderly farmer, was holding a long flannel nightgown and kept glancing at the younger man’s … [Read more…]

FAT AND FIT

A woman goes to the doctor for a yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items.  “How much do you weigh?”  “115″ replies the lady.  The nurse puts her on the scale and it turns out she is 140 pounds.  The nurse asks, “And what is your  height?”  “5′ 8′,” the woman responds.  The … [Read more…]

WHERE HAS ALL THE FRAGRANCE GONE?

Why You Can’t Stop And Smell The Roses A forgetful husband thought he had conquered the age-old male problem of recalling the date of his wife’s birthday and their wedding anniversary.  So using a credit cared, he opened up an account at the local flower shop and instructed the florist to send flowers yearly on … [Read more…]

DID GOD MAKE WEEDS? YES!

A preacher was driving down a country road when he came upon the most scenic farm he’d ever seen (in over a lifetime travelling rural roads). He could only compare it to a beautiful painting. Now, it was by no means a new farm, but the house and the buildings were well constructed, in perfect … [Read more…]

CANNABIS IN A CAN Malt And Marijuana

An old cowboy sidled into a tavern and ordered a glass of milk with a shot of whiskey.  The saloon keeper fixed the drink and put it on the bar.  Then, a young circuit-riding preacher entered.  It was a hot day and with a long ride ahead, the parson asked for a cold glass of … [Read more…]

WHY JOHNNY CAN’T ADD

A teacher gives the following math story problem.  A wealthy man dies and leaves $10,000,000 (ten million dollars) in his will:  one-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to the Baptist church.  Now, what does each family member get?”  After a … [Read more…]

THE CALF PATH

One day, through the primeval wood, A calf walked home, as good calves should; But made a trail all bent askew, A crooked trail as all calves do. Since then two hundred years have fled, And, I infer, the calf is dead. But still he left behind his trail, And thereby hangs my moral tale. … [Read more…]

NOW THERE ARE FOUR Israel To The Moon

Someone has written, “Copernicus’ parents might just deserve some of the credit for his great discovery. Apparently at the age of twelve they said to him: ‘Young man, when are you going to realize that the world does not revolve around you!’” Up till now, the world of space exploration has revolved around the three … [Read more…]

LAWNMOWER PARENTS

The man passed out as he exited the front door onto his porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. “It was enough to make anybody do so,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage … [Read more…]

THE SAD STORY OF JONATHAN BROWN

I will tell you the story of Jonathan Brown, The wealthiest man in Vanastorbiltown. He had lands, he had houses, and factories and stocks, gold gilt-edged investments, as solid as rocks. “Every thing that I have,” he so frequently said, “shall belong to the Lord just as soon as I’m dead.” So he made out … [Read more…]

A HALLMARK OR A HALL-MISS?

John invites his mother over for dinner.  During the meal, his mom can’t help but notice how beautiful John’s roommate is. Then, over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she starts to wonder if there is far more between John and the roommate than meets the eye.  Reading his mother’s thoughts, … [Read more…]

HOW THE JEWS WON WORLD WAR II

A man brings some very fine material to a Jewish  tailor and asks him to make a pair of pants. When he comes back a week later, the pants aren’t ready. Two weeks later, they still aren’t ready. Finally, after six weeks, the pants are ready. The man tries them on. They fit perfectly. Nonetheless, … [Read more…]

STICKY SOLUTION

A farmer won the very first million-dollar lottery and he was asked by reporters what he was going to do with all the money.  He replied, “I’m going to keep on farming until it is all gone!” Farming is expensive and one of the major costs is that of pesticides (pest control).  These chemical fertilizers … [Read more…]

HOW SWEDE IT IS! Sweden: Lessons For North America

A Britisher, a Frenchman and a Russian were viewing a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Look at their reserve, their calm,” mused the Brit. “they must be British.”  “Nonsense,” protested the Frenchman, “They are so natural and beautiful. Clearly, they’re French.” “No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they … [Read more…]

THIRTY-TWO THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT CHARLES SPURGEON

Charles Spurgeon (1834-1891) – The English Baptist, “Prince Of Preachers” built the world’s first mega-church long before the modern term came into being. #1 –  One woman was converted through reading a single page of one of Spurgeon’s sermons wrapped around some butter she had bought. #2 – Spurgeon read The Pilgrim’s Progress at age … [Read more…]

DRINKING AND DASHING

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their vehicles are totally demolished but amazingly neither one of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their respective autos, the woman says to the fella, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just … [Read more…]

LONG IN THE TOOTH?

A man walks into a dentist’s office and asks, “How much to pull a tooth?”  “$100,” the dentist says.  “That’s ridiculous,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist informs him, “If I don’t use my assistant, I can knock the price down to $75.”  “Nope,” complains the man, “it’s still too … [Read more…]

AND NOW THERE ARE NINE

Here is a hillbilly’s Ten Commandments rendition: #1 – Just one God #2 – Put nothin’ before God #3 – Watch yer mouth #4 – Git yourself to Sunday meetin’ #5 – Honor yer Ma & Pa #6 – No killin’ #7 – No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal #8 – Don’t take what … [Read more…]

THE TRUTH ABOUT LYING

A pastor was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them around twelve years of age.  The lads had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked “What are you doing with that dog?”  One of the … [Read more…]

THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste, All the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk … [Read more…]

JESUS OR JAIL

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down main street.  “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain…”  “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer, “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the police chief gets back.”  “But officer, I just wanted to say…”  “And I … [Read more…]

CASANOVA OF ASSASSINS John Wilkes Booth

One young lady writes, “Before I heard the doctors tell the dangers of a kiss I had considered kissing you the nearest thing to bliss. But now I know biology and sit and sigh and moan, six million mad bacteria and I thought we were alone!” John Wilkes Booth was in1838 on a farm just … [Read more…]

NOW THAT’S MY KIND OF FORTUNE TELLER!

Dalai Lama, the Zen Master of the Buddhist religion, was in New York City, having been invited to speak at the United Nations.  Since the hotel he was staying at was just down the street from the U.N. building, he decided to walk instead of taking a taxi.   On his way, he came across a … [Read more…]

Why French Children Don’t Have ADHD

Sunday morning, a family was seated together in church, and the parents were doing their best to control the youngest child, who was continually acting up during the service.  Finally the father had enough and during the offertory, lifted the little fella over his shoulder and began walking  back toward the foyer.  As they were … [Read more…]

Secrets of the Buffet

Just In Time For The Holidays! At an all-you-can-eat restaurant the husband came back to the table, his plate full for the fifth time. “Dear” exclaimed his wife, “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?” “Not a bit,” replied the husband, “I just tell them … [Read more…]

Tricks & Treats!

The modern Halloween began as a Celtic pagan festival  that marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of the winter season, falling mid-way between the autumn and winter equinox (sunset October 31 to sunrise November 1).   This was their New Years, and it was believed that during this transition from one year … [Read more…]

JEWS, JEWS AND MORE JEWS

A woman came from a large family of six sisters and six brothers. One day she was looking through the family photo album when she noticed that in picture after picture, all the children were dressed in matching outfits. Later, she asked her mother why everyone – even the baby – was dressed identically.  Her … [Read more…]

The Sky is Falling, Again!

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the American North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.  … [Read more…]

The Bible, Book or Library?

THE BIBLE, BOOK OR LIBRARY? A man was doing a research paper on suicide. He visited the library and asked the person behind the counter for books on the subject and was directed to a a certain aisle. However, the fella soon returned to the front desk and said the entire shelf was empty. The … [Read more…]

Lawn-Mower Parents

The Newest Way Of Raising Kids The man passed out as he exited the front door onto his porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. “It was enough to make anybody do so,” he said. “My son asked me … [Read more…]

FAKE FIGURES

A rookie police officer was asked the following exam question: “How would you go about dispersing a crowd?  He answered, “Take up an offering, it does it every time!”  This past week, Donald Trump, the current President of the United States and Barak Obama, the former President of the United States, gave campaign speeches.  And … [Read more…]

RAISING THE DEAD

Israel And Jordan Agree On A Red Sea To Dead Sea Pipeline An old Jewish grandfather was taking care of his two young grandchildren. One of the children asked him how old he and grandma were. Gramps looked at his grandson and sighed.  “We’re so old that when we were your age, the Dead Sea … [Read more…]

AN ALBATROSS AROUND A CREATIONIST’S NECK?

A fisherman came home and said to his wife, “Look at what I caught today.”  She replied, “The neighbour  told me she saw you at the supermarket.”  And he countered, “Of course she did.  I reeled in so many, I had to first stop and sell some of them!” Recently, Creation Magazine had the following … [Read more…]

THE LAST STRAW

A man tells about trying to throw a trash can away, the one thing it seems a garbage man won’t pick up. One morning I set an old rusty trash can out at the street thinking that the garbage man would understand it needed to be thrown away; but when I came back that afternoon … [Read more…]

CHICKEN LITTLES

Guess Who’s #1 In The World For Reducing Carbon Dioxide Emissions One day a first-grade teacher was reading the tale of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.  She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and … [Read more…]

WALKING IT OFF

Man Drops Almost 300 Pounds After Walking 6,000 Miles Over Two Years A teenage boy had just gotten his driver’s licence and asked his father when they could discuss his use of the car.  His father said he’d make a deal with his son: “You bring your grades up from a C to a B … [Read more…]

ANTI-ICKY POO

Chuck Swindoll, the well-known author and speaker, writes the following – When my wife, Cynthia and I returned home from a combination of summer ministry and vacation, we opened the front door of our house and were met with an awful stench.  We hoped that it was bad food in the refrigerator.  It wasn’t.  We … [Read more…]

THE SEQUENCE OF SUCCESS

A young woman brings home her fiancé to meet the girl’s parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.  So the father invites the fiancé into his study.  “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.  “I am a Bible scholar.” he replies.  “A Bible … [Read more…]

TWO FATHERS & ONE MOTHER Only In Canada

A child asked her mother, “How were people born?” The mother said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies grew up to became adults and they made babies, and so on.”  The child then went to her father and asked him the same question.  He told her, “We were monkeys, then we evolved over … [Read more…]

DO YOU KNOW ME?

3,000 Year-Old Sculpture Depicts A Biblical King, But Which One? Two ladies, both in their mid-eighties, had been friends since they were in their twenties.  And each week, now for over sixty years, they continued to meet to drink some coffee, play some cards and chat about life.  One day, one said to the other, … [Read more…]

NOT JUST A LOT OF HOT AIR

My pastor friend put new sanitary hot-air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church.  Then, after just two weeks, he took them out.  I asked him why and he confessed that they worked fine, but when he went in there to use one, he saw a sign above a unit that read: “For … [Read more…]

THE BAPTIST WOMAN WHO SAVED THE MISS AMERICA BEAUTY PAGEANT

Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!” When it comes to women and beauty, did you know it was a born-again, Bible-believing, Baptist lady who saved the … [Read more…]

PAVING THE ROAD TO ARMAGEDDON?

There’s a Chinese proverb that says of military conflict, “War doesn’t determine who is right, but who is left.” What is silk?  Silk is a thin, but strong fibre that silkworms produce when they are making their cocoons. It can be woven into a very soft and smooth fabric. Silk fabric was invented in ancient … [Read more…]

RED-LETTER CHRISTIANS

Cecil B. DeMille, the famed Hollywood film-maker, came up with what he was convinced was a brilliant idea. He had already made a name for himself as the director of epic silent films – movies that did terrific business at the box office.  So he decided he would repay his audience’s support by letting them … [Read more…]

HERE COMES THE BRIDE! Not In These Religions

Before her wedding, a young bride got more and more nervous about the wedding ceremony so she went to see the minister. He reassured her by pointing out that the ceremony was quite simple.  “You enter the church and walk up the aisle.  The groom will be waiting for you at the altar.  Everyone will … [Read more…]

IN DEFENSE OF THE “NEW” KING JAMES BIBLE

It was Sunday morning and the young mother and her little girl were sitting in church.  Just before the service started, the parent opened a Bible and rested it upon her lap.  The daughter noticed all the printing and the conversation between the two went like this, “Did God really write all those words?  Yes, … [Read more…]

AN AMERICAN IN LONDON

A little girl came home from her first day at school.  She was particularly excited about a fairy tale the teacher had read at book time.  It was a romance  between a rich prince and a poor lady.  After going through just about every detail she said to her mother, “And Mommy, do you know … [Read more…]

A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK

Two young sweethearts sat together in a swing on the front porch of a country home.  The young man noticed the young woman had a tear running down her face.  He said, “What’s the matter, my little darling?  Don’t worry, I’ll kiss that tear away.”  After doing so a few more times he said, “Is … [Read more…]

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO CHICK-FIL-A

One day the Library was lonely with no one in it for the librarian to help. These two chickens came through the door screeching “bouk bouk.” The librarian quickly got up and gave them each 5 books. The two chickens left satisfied. Just a few minutes later the same two chickens come through the door … [Read more…]

SON OF A GUN

In The 27 Deadliest School Shootings In The United States 26 Of The Shooters Were Raised In Homes Without A Father In the 1800s British navy, young women were allowed on board to accompany sailors on long ocean voyages.  Inevitably, these prostitution dalliances resulted in the conception of children.  Now at that time, those war … [Read more…]

HARE-BRAINED DECISION

Christian Foster Parents Lose Kids Over Santa Claus And Easter Bunny, But Ontario Court Disagrees A mother writes – When our daughter, Genevieve, was nine, she loved duct tape. She was also at the age when she questioned the existence of the tooth fairy. When she lost another tooth, she thought she’d be a smarty-pants … [Read more…]

NOTHING TO SNICKER(S) AT!

A man found a magic lamp on the beach. He rubbed it and out popped a genie, who gave the fella three wishes.  First, he wished for a million dollars, and poof! There was the money. Second, he wished for a convertible, and poof! There was the car.  Finally, he wished that  he could be … [Read more…]

RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS?

One man writes of the office where he works: “My boss asked me, ‘Do you think you could come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends off, but I really need you here.’  I replied, ‘Sure, no problem, but I’ll probably be late as public transport is bad on weekends.’  He … [Read more…]

BIOMIMETICS Copying The Creator

God created the mule, and told him, “You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back.  You will eat grass and lack intelligence.  You will live for 50 years.”  The mule answered, “To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more … [Read more…]

A NEW WRINKLE ON WRINKLES

A little boy watched his mother put cold cream on her face and asked her, “What’s that for?”  She replied, “It’s face cream to get rid of the wrinkles and make me look younger and more beautiful.”  A few minutes later the mother removed the cream and the little boy said, “It’s not working, is … [Read more…]

TALK ABOUT A BIG MAC ATTACK!

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold evening.  The old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries, and a drink.  After they sat down, he unwrapped the hamburger and carefully cut it in two, placing one half in front of his wife. Then, he carefully counted the fries, divided … [Read more…]

OUR “SOLE” SYSTEM

The story is told that Jupiter came down to earth to assist a couple of  bandits in a bank robbery. However, the two crooks were caught by police.  The judge then sentenced both criminals to fifteen years in prison.  But Jupiter was shocked to also be given a prison term of ten years.  “But your … [Read more…]

HIGH-TECH GENIUSES LOW-TECH PARENTS

Bill Gates is walking along the ocean shore when he discovers a bottle in the sand.  He pulls out the cork and a genie appears. The genie says, “I have been trapped inside this container for over one-hundred years.  As a reward for releasing me, you can make one wish.”  The founder of Microsoft thinks … [Read more…]

ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

Canada’s Summer Jobs Program Causes An Uproar Someone has well said of politicians, “If America’s Founding Fathers thought that taxation without representation was bad, they should see how bad it is with representation!”  And there is no better illustration of that than our nation’s current leader and his party. The federal government provides a seasonal … [Read more…]

LAST YEAR IN JERUSALEM

Abe was visiting Israel for the first time. As soon as his plane landed, he got a taxi to take him to his hotel. The taxi driver was very friendly and told Abe all kinds of useful information.  Then Abe asked the driver, “Say, is Israel a healthy place?”  “Oh, yes, it really is,” the … [Read more…]

CATS VS. DOGS

It’s A No-Brainer As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: “Danger! Beware of Dog!”  Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.  “Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” he asks the owner. “That’s him”.  “He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would … [Read more…]

WHO DO YOU SAY THAT I AM?

A speaker once asked a group of children at a summer Bible camp, “Hey kids, what’s grey, runs real fast, has a big bushy tail, climbs trees, and hides nuts for winter?”  The kids were quieter than a roomful of nuts.  The boys and girls just sat and stared.  So the speaker asked again, “Come … [Read more…]

THIS YEAR IN JERUSALEM

One day an old couple decided to go to Jerusalem for a vacation. A few days after they arrived the elderly wife died. The man who worked at the local funeral home told the husband that he could pay $150 to have her buried here in Israel or pay $4,000 to have her body shipped … [Read more…]

FINALLY, A LEG TO STAND ON

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a snake walked up to him carrying the very same Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the snake’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, … [Read more…]

JESUS WAS NOT A REFUGEE

A busload of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The farmer comes out, and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day the police are at the farm questioning the man. “So you buried … [Read more…]

EARTH TWO?

One day a theologian and an astronomer were talking together. The astronomer said that after reading widely in the field of religious things that he had come to the conclusion that all religion could be summed up in a single phrase, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – and he … [Read more…]

BEHAVING LIKE ANIMALS

A man wrote a letter to a hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well-behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me?”  An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, … [Read more…]

DECIDING DREAMS?

It was Valentine’s Day.  A husband came downstairs for breakfast.  Over coffee, his wife informed him of a dream she had in which he gave her a beautiful pearl necklace for Valentines.  So she inquired, “What do you think it means?”  He replied, “You’ll know tonight.”  That evening, the man came home with a small … [Read more…]

THE TOP REASON FOR CHURCH SHOOTINGS

Two men sat beside each other in church: one was a member and the other was a visitor.  The member then began to question the visitor: “Are you a Christian?”  “Yes.” “Protestant or Baptist?”  “Baptist.” “Evangelical or fundamental?”  “Fundamental.” “Fellowship or independent?”  “Independent.” “Local church or invisible church?”  “Local.” “Sprinkling or immersion?”  “Immerse.” “Church membership … [Read more…]

Trunk or Treat?

The New Tradition That Is Changing Halloween As We Have Known It It’s a foggy Halloween night.  A man is walking home alone late when behind him he hears – bump, bump, bump.  Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down … [Read more…]

Hell Houses

A lady shares  – One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as Rocky, with satin shorts, high-top sneakers, boxing gloves, etc.  I gave him some goodies and soon he returned for more. I asked, “Aren’t you the same Rocky who left my doorstep several minutes ago?” He replied, “Yes, but now I’m the … [Read more…]

HUGH HEFNER (1929 – 2017)

He Won The Culture War, Lost His Soul, And Left Us With A Mess To Clean Up One lady writes as follows: The lingerie store where my aunt works was crowded with shoppers selecting Valentine’s Day gifts for their wives. A young businessman came to the register with a lacy black negligee. My aunt noticed … [Read more…]

THE BIGGEST THING IN BASEBALL

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both lived into their early 90’s, when one of them suddenly fell deathly ill. His friend came to visit him on his deathbed and they reminisced about their long friendship. The friend said, “Listen, when you die, do me a favour. I want to … [Read more…]

THE AMAZING PLACENTA A Selfless Servant

Someone once asked an expectant lady, “How many days are there in a month?”  She responded, “Each month has 30-31 days except for the last month of pregnancy which has 1,453!” Even with all the labour pains, one of the greatest joys in life is the welcoming of a new baby into the world.  But … [Read more…]

POINTING TOWARDS CANADA

Donald Trump Wants To Bring Our Immigration Policy Down To America A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”  The Mexican man pleads with him, … [Read more…]

LOOKING FOR LOOPHOLES

The talented comedian and movie actor, W. C. Fields, led an unrestrained showbiz life, displaying a fondness for alcohol and women.  His best friend, Gene Fowler, wrote of Fields, “No man ever worked so patiently at wrecking his body and soul as did this man.”  At Christmas time in 1946, an aged Fields was in … [Read more…]

IN A NUTSHELL

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.  Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces.  “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a … [Read more…]

EUROPE’S CHILDLESS LEADERS

A woman came from a large family of six sisters and six brothers. One day she was looking through the family photo album when she noticed that in picture after picture, all the children were dressed in matching outfits. Later, she asked her mother why everyone – even the baby – was dressed identically.  Her … [Read more…]

Opternative

The End Of Eye Charts? A Polish man went to have his eyes tested. The eye test chart read: N Y X C S F R U Z. The optometrist  asked, “Can you read any of those letters?”  The Pole replied, “Read them?  I know him!” Well, if Jewish optometrist Aaron Dalleck has his way, … [Read more…]

WHAT’S THE HARM?

New Study Finds Alternative Medicine Kills Cancer Patients A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.  The mechanic shouted across the garage, … [Read more…]

See You In Court

The Number One Reason That Churches End Up In Litigation There was a church in Tennessee that practiced foot washing.  But then a great debate arose over which foot you should wash first (the Bible doesn’t say).  The argument became so heated that eventually the century-old congregation split into two churches – the Right Foot … [Read more…]

Fake Faith News

There was a furniture store prone to, as most are, after every few years post a big sign with giant letters that read, “Going Out Of Business, Everything Must Go!”  (then a few months later start up again).  As time went on, two more furniture stores opened up on each side of the one already … [Read more…]

COMMUNION CONUNDRUM

An old Catholic priest retired after serving his small town parish for many years.  He was replaced by a younger man who was very eager to make his mark as a new generation of clergy.  But after one month the novice cleric could sense that something was not right,  so he called a longtime member … [Read more…]

Reclaiming the Rainbow

An Irishman went into a flag shop and requested  a green union-jack flag.  The shopkeeper behind the counter replied, “A green union-jack what? We don’t do green union-jacks, you fool.”  The Irishman inquired, “What colours do you do them in them?” “Red white and blue, like everywhere else,” responded the salesperson.     The Irishman said, “Okay, … [Read more…]

You’ve Got to “Hand” It to the Jews!

Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor. He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, “No, Johnny, you can’t eat that now, it has germs.” Johnny pondered the thought a moment and replied, “Jesus, germs, and Santa Claus –  that’s … [Read more…]

What is “IT”?

During his sermon, a pastor noticed one of the young wives in the congregation, who was quite pregnant, continually rubbing her side.  After the service, he asked her at the door, “Are you okay?  I noticed during my message that you were holding onto your side.”  “Oh, I’m fine,” she answered.  “It was just the … [Read more…]

The True North

You may not know this, but the original name for Canada, dreamed up by a parliamentary committee in London, England, was that of “Cold North Dominion”. However this was too long, so they abbreviated it to C.N.D.  The King’s Royal Governor then presented the new name to the inhabitants of the land, but they didn’t … [Read more…]

Breatharianism

Old Abram was a poor tailor in a little shop located next to an upscale French bistro.  Each day at noon Abe repeated the same routine – for lunch taking his brown paper bag containing (black bread, pickled herring) and going out the back door of his place of business, where sitting on a bench … [Read more…]

The Gentle “C”

THE GENTLE “C” It is said that the term cesarean comes from the Roman emperor Julius Caesar because of the way he was born;  that when his mother died in the ninth month, they cut her open, took him out, and named him thus – for in the Roman tongue dissection is called, “caesar” Think … [Read more…]

Say Cheese? (or) Say Prunes?

The story is told that Snow White was given a  camera as a birthday present.  She then quickly went through three rolls of film, taking pictures of the seven little dwarfs; after which she took the film cartridges to the local drug store where they were mailed out for development.  Snow White then waited some … [Read more…]

Nose Pickers

Someone has said, “A sharp nose indicates curiosity. A flattened nose indicates too much curiosity!” Well, the nose is in the news, or what’s inside the nose (i.e. boogers). Let me explain. There is a medical theory known as the hygiene hypothesis. It states that a child raised in an environment devoid of dirt and … [Read more…]

Bombs Away!

When Golda Meir was Prime Minister of Israel, the Jewish nation was about to face another major military conflict with the hostile surrounding Arab nations.  Outnumbered in population by a ratio of 1,000 to 1, President Richard Nixon called her and asked what the U.S. could do to be of assistance.  “What we need Mr. … [Read more…]

The Rise and Fall of the Shopping Mall

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the large discounts (and some advertising) were the reason for the long line that formed in front of the business an hour before its opening.  A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be shoved back, amid loud and … [Read more…]

The Grand, Old Flag?

A Dutchman was explaining to an American the red, white and blue colours on the Netherlands flag  “Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them.”  The Yankee nodded. “It’s the same in the United States, … [Read more…]

Just Twenty-three Easters Left

A farmer entered the church and saw that he and the minister were the only ones present for Sunday service.  The minister asked the farmer if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.  The farmer replied, “Well, I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, … [Read more…]

Coffee Pots and Coffee Pods

A man went to the doctor for a check-up.  As part of the exam, the physician inquired as to his eating habits.  The fella said, “Well, for breakfast I have cereal, eggs, bacon, toast, bagel, jam, muffin, doughnuts and coffee.  For lunch, I have a few cheese burgers, large fries, milk shake, candy bar, cookies … [Read more…]

Chicken Littles

One day a first-grade teacher was reading the tale of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.  She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’”  The teacher … [Read more…]

The Donald and the Devil

One man writes, While waiting for my wife at the checkout at Walmart, I noticed that someone had left behind a broom. When no one came back in looking for it, I nipped outside in search of a female I remembered seeing at the check-out ahead of me.  I spotted the woman in the parking … [Read more…]

The Billy Graham Rule

Someone has written – This is how to find your wife, even in the busiest of supermarkets.  Follow these four simple instructions.  The technique never fails. #1 – Have a look around at all of the shoppers, then walk up to the prettiest gal in the entire store. #2 – Say to her, “Excuse me, … [Read more…]

Trajectory Theology

The story is told of Jesus having a conversation with a group of theological elites of whom he simply asked, “Who do you say that I am?”  The theologians replied, “You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed” to which the … [Read more…]

Whatever Happened to Melody?

There was a church where the preacher and the music director were not getting along. As time went by this began to spill over into the worship service.  The first week the preacher preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The music director closed with “I Shall … [Read more…]

No Uncertain Trump-et

Protecting the Unborn When Mary was pregnant, her five-year-old, Billy, was utterly amazed and a little bit disbelieving that his sister was growing in his mom’s tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick.  But when he … [Read more…]

Well, He’s No Genius!

A teacher, after marking test papers, called a student up to her desk and said, “You copied your answers from the student sitting next to you, didn’t you.”  The pupil confessed, “Yes I did, but how did you know?”  She replied, “Because for one question the student wrote, ‘I don’t know’ and you wrote for … [Read more…]

When I Was In School….

In America, a pastor made it his practice to visit the church school one day a week.  On this particular week he chose the fourth-grade class.  As the minister walked in, the students were studying the states of the union.  The clergyman asked the children how many they could name and they came up with … [Read more…]

We’ve Reached Our Limit

A lady went to a doctor as to what she’d have to do to live to be 150 years of age.  The physician inquired of her lifestyle and she checked positive for all of the usual: lots of bodily exercise, lots of organic food, lots of meditative sleep, etc.  “So then,” the woman said, “Will … [Read more…]

People Who Make You Sick

Choose your partners, one and all, Aspirin, Advil or Tylenol! Now fling those covers with all you’ve got. One minute cold, the next minute hot. Circle right to the side of the bed, Grab the tissues and Sudafed. Back to the middle and don’t goof off, Hold your stomach and cough, cough, cough. Forget about … [Read more…]

Mrs. Trump, Dress Yourself!

Struggling to make ends meet on a small county church  salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with a receipt of $250 for a dress she had bought. “How could you do this?!”  “I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I suddenly found myself trying … [Read more…]

The “Built In” KJV Dictionary

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It is made … [Read more…]

Sweet Time for Cows

Two dairy cows were grazing alongside a highway when a tanker truck of fresh milk, that was on its way to the distributor, happened to pass by.  On one side of the truck in big red letters was a sign that read, “Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, Vitamin A added.”  One cow turned to the other and … [Read more…]

DON’t Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!

A city man, who printed counterfeit money, was not the brightest fella and accidentally inked a large stack of twenty-one dollar bills.  Realizing he could not pass such bills with city dwellers, the counterfeiter came up with the idea of taking the money to the hills, where he’d pawn it off on backwoods folk who … [Read more…]

The Hardest Job in the World!

Two women were talking about their individual families.  The conversation went something like this: I have the perfect son. Does he smoke anything?  No.  Does he drink alcohol?  No?  Does he use foul language?  No.  Does he drive fast?  No.  Does he have sex?  No.  Does he break curfew?  No.  Well, I guess you do … [Read more…]

Curses on Cursive?

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher. The judge rose from the bench and smiling with delight responded. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.  Now sit down at that table and write out ‘I will not pass … [Read more…]

The Dirt on Israel

A father is asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” “Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” replied the boy’s father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, “That’s a strange ambition to have for a career.” “Well,” said the boy’s father, “he … [Read more…]

The World’s Oldest Alphabet

A wife asked her husband to describe her.  He said, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”   She asked, “What does that mean?”  He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”  She said, “Oh that’s so lovely. And what about I, J, K?”  He said, “I’m Just Kidding,”  … [Read more…]

Saviour or Savior?

An American in England appeared on British radio. In the midst of the interview, the Yankee asked the Britisher if there was a Thanksgiving Day in Britain like that in the States. The Englishman replied that there was, but their holiday was in September, not November. When the American inquired as to why it was … [Read more…]

Farther Confessor?

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper.  This went on each Friday of Lent.  On the last Friday of Lent, … [Read more…]

Suck It Up, Buttercup!

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.  One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”  “Two days ago.”  “Hmm.  Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over.  In May, he’ll be an engineer.  What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of … [Read more…]

A Jew for Jesus

Marvin Rosenthal (Part Two) Unexpected Opposition As if that were not bad enough, my mother now began to invite friends and customers to attend a Bible study in our living room. Some ridiculed, some politely declined, but some had a hunger to know God. To her, the good news of the grace of God was … [Read more…]

A Jew for Jesus

Marvin Rosenthal Marvin Rosenthal is an internationally-known Jewish evangelist who has had a world-wide prophetic ministry, reaching a multitude of people with the gospel, including a number of Jews. His books and magazine are always of the highest quality. And Rev. Rosenthal has made seventy-five visits to Israel, each time leading a tour. As well, … [Read more…]

Back to the Dark Ages?

A puny guy applies for a job as a lumberjack. “Sorry, says the huge head-lumberjack, eyeing the man up and down, “You’re just too small.”  “Give me a chance to show you what I can do,” the little guy pleads. “You won’t regret it.”  “Okay,” says the boss. “See that giant oak over there?  Let’s … [Read more…]

What Europe So Desperately Needs..

Is What Europe So Defiantly Does Not Want A large family, with seven kids, moved to a new city. They were having a hard time finding an apartment in which to live. Many apartments were big enough, but the landlords objected to the large family. After several days of searching, the father asked the mother … [Read more…]

Toys “R (Aren’t)”Us

Gender-Neutral Toys A man got on an airplane to fly from Boston to Florida. He was an educational psychologist on his way to speaking at a parent-teacher seminar in Miami. Sitting next to him was an elderly grandmother who had just spent two weeks visiting her: six children, eighteen grandchildren, and twelve great-grandchildren. She inquired … [Read more…]

Over a Billion Served

One pastor writes, “After the morning worship service a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, ‘If you don’t be quiet, pastor is going to lose his place and he will have … [Read more…]

Israel, Bird-Watcher’s Paradise

having a difficult time convincing her new baby that he, too, could fly.  The baby pigeon cried, “I can’t make the flight…I get too tired.”  His mother said, “Don’t worry; I’ll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.”  The baby started to cry.  “What’s wrong now?”  … [Read more…]

The One Truth that Trumps It All

Someone had well said, “Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.”  When Bill Clinton ran for the office of President of the United States in 1996, the word abortion was found just one time in the Democratic Party platform.  The policy position was … [Read more…]

Not According to Hoyle

(No, not as in Edmund Hoyle  the famed rules authority on card games from whose last name comes the phrase “not according to Hoyle”.  But as in Sir Frederick Hoyle, the distinguished astronomer.  Here’s the story.) The following was seen on a restroom wall: “God is dead: Nietzsche.  To which, after the atheist passed away, … [Read more…]

A Letter to My Bread-Winner

My dearest husband, The other day, around 3:00 p.m. on a random Wednesday, I was headed to the grocery store to get something to make for dinner. As you know, I’ve been slacking on the food front for some time and can’t seem to get organized the way I used to. Remember when I would … [Read more…]

“Wife Camp”

The child was a typical four-year-old girl – cute, inquisitive, bright. But when she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out the wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, … [Read more…]

Bikinis Vs. Burkinis

A Jewish lady’s grandson is playing in the water, she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He … [Read more…]

What Child Is This?

A little girl asked her mother, “Where did we come from”  The mom replied, “We came from God”  The child then went to her father and asked him the same question.  The dad replied, “We came from monkeys.”  The little girl went back to her mother and said, “Mommy, I’m confused.  You said we came … [Read more…]

Holy Humour

A Sermon With A Smile A teenage boy is getting ready to take his date to the prom.  First, he goes to get a tuxedo, but there’s a long line at the tailor (and it takes forever, but finally he gets the tux).  Second, he goes to get some flowers, but there’s a long line … [Read more…]

Hope for Homosexuals

It’s Not All In The Genes A pregnant woman from Canada gets in a car accident and falls into a real deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she awakens she’s no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.  The physician replies, “Ma’am you had twins, a boy and a girl! … [Read more…]

Christmas in July?

A young woman (of unknown hair colour) goes to an office for a job interview. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?” The young woman (of unknown hair colour) counts carefully on her fingers for a few seconds before replying “25!”. The interviewer tries another … [Read more…]

Holy Cow?

Two cows were grazing alongside a road when a milk tanker, on its way to the distributor, passed by.  On the side of the truck was a big sign that read, “Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, vitamins added.”  One cow turned to the other and said, “Kind of makes you feel inadequate, doesn’t it?” It is the … [Read more…]

Private Education

Not What You May Think A letter from a college student to his father: Dear Dad, $chool I$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ … [Read more…]

Christians Need Not Apply

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?”  The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before … [Read more…]

Fighting for the King

The Americans Who Became The Canadians You may not know this, but the original name for Canada, dreamed up by a parliamentary committee in London, England, was that of “Cold North Dominion”. However this was too long, so they abbreviated it to C.N.D.  The King’s Royal Governor then presented the new name to the inhabitants … [Read more…]

Noah’s Ark

Thinking Outside The Box A pastor was called to a local church and the people soon discovered that each and every sermon seemed to have something to do with baptism.  The congregation complained to the deacons who met with the minister and a solution was reached – the board would pick out his weekly sermon … [Read more…]

Love It or Leave It

Australian Prime Minister Take it or leave it.  Immigrants, not Australians must adapt.  I am tired of this nation worrying about whether  we are offending some individual or their culture.  This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.  We speak … [Read more…]

O Canada – Political Correctness

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman and Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land. The leader of the captors said, “We’re going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn.  But first, each can make a final wish.”  The Englishman said, “I’d like to sing God … [Read more…]

Dropping a Line

Back To The Future Last year, after having dug to a depth of 10 feet outside of New York City, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than one century ago.  Not to be outdone by … [Read more…]

Refund the Refund?

Someone has well said, “If America’s Founding Fathers thought that taxation without representation was bad, they should see how bad it is with representation!” Every year I have the same experience when my taxes are done – at the end I burst out laughing.  That’s because I always forget that there’s a little joke at … [Read more…]

Signing Aloud

A deaf couple check into a motel and go to bed early.  The wife wakes her husband in the middle of the night complaining of a headache.  She asks him to go to the car to get some aspirin.  Groggy with sleep, he struggles to get up, put on his robe, and leaves the room … [Read more…]

Rome;s Real Revenue

A man was strolling down the sidewalk and suddenly had a heart attack, falling to the ground.  A fella came up to him and asked what was wrong.  The man said, “I’m dying and I need a priest to give me the last rites.”  The fella wasn’t aware of any parish in the area, but … [Read more…]

The Next “Survivor” Series

Survivor – The show maroons a group of strangers in an isolated locale.  There they must provide for themselves and compete in challenges to earn rewards or immunity from game expulsion in successive elimination votes. The final survivors face a jury composed of the last players voted off, who vote for the game winner – … [Read more…]

The Traditional Funeral Is on its Death-Bed

There was a recent story in the newspaper that the man who invented throat lozenges, who died.  And the article ended with this line, “Of course, there was no coffin!” The “no coffin” line is not a laughing matter for funeral homes, as more and more individuals are bypassing the traditional death format (funeral-home viewing, … [Read more…]

Before Welch’s

Note – Last Sunday I preached the fifth of twelve messages on What’s The Word On Wine, (The Bible And Social Drinking).  The sermon was, New Wine (juice), Old Wine (alcohol), Bad Wine (vinegar).  In the message, I talked about how people in biblical times, contrary to popular belief, were able even back then to … [Read more…]

Mary’s Money

One day a pastor stood up in church and announced to his congregation, “I have good news and I have bad news.  The good news is, we have enough money to pay for the new building program.  The bad news is, it’s still all out there in your pockets.” When Jesus traveled throughout Israel, the … [Read more…]